DYAD DYAD DYAD DYAD couldnt wait i have to post RIGHT NOW

no one can ever play dyad like i have, ive played the best game of dyad

 

 

i haven’t got any trophies, hell i haven’t even fucking finished the game yet BUT I HAVE PLAYED THE BEST GAME OF DYAD

and next time i play it will also be the best game of dyad

 

dyad is the inside of my brain

the sound and visual feedback is PERFECT for fucking with all of your senses while you’re doing increasingly complex tempest space giraffe rez type shit

you get in THE JEFF MINTER ZONE with that game, and it eaaaaassesss you into it, the game takes its sleazy little hand and gently puffs your pillow behind you

“are you comfy” dyad whispers as you learn the basics of hooking pairs and boosts

a gentle shoulder rub as you figure out that you cant TOUCH the enemies but you gotta gliiiiiiiiide past them

dyad turns down the lights while you get your first 10 lance

then dyad slowly walks out the room

and then you are dyad

 

i saw some nerd tweet about OH IM GONNA GO PLAY DYAD WITH MY 3048 FOOT HD PROJECTION SCREEN AND MY MEGABIT 5D (BUT WITH HEARING)  CARBON PADDED DIAMOND STUDDED HEADPHONES and i just smirked. i could play dyad on a ds screen with ipod earbuds and have the exact same experience

the way my brain is wired

what i give back to the game

is what makes the game (and games like this, well SPACE GIRAFFE) so incredible and gratifying

its because part of the experience is already inside you, the sense of falling the tunnel vision, you have those in near death and hallucinatory and orgasmic and euphoric situations, THERE ARE ENDLESS COMPARISONS TO DOING REALLY WELL IN DYAD and im sure theres going to be sciencey-wiency yawn o rama this is how your brain works articles about it

WHO CARES

YOU CANT EXPRESS THE FEELING IN WORDS BECAUSE ITS EXPRESSED IN THE GAME

last night
yesterday afternoon? evening?
its that time of year when all the times of day blend into eachother in a hot haze anyway
which is ALSO PERFECT
when i played i had to literally CALL DAVID KANAGA AND THANK HIM for dyad giving me a really happy childhood memory flashback, i usually don’t think about my childhood because IT SUCKED (to be fair, i don’t think i have a single friend with a happy childhood, that might be my filter, FUCKED UP KIDS ONLY PLEASE) but it took me a couple seconds to figure out how my phone worked again and when he answered the phone i thought he was my best childhood friend daniel

“hello, DANIEL? FROM MY CHILDHOOD?”

‘uh no this is david…. hi?”

“david? uh? OH THIS IS DAPHNY HI DAVID HI DAVID I PLAYED DYAD OMG THANK YOU THANK YOU IT SOUNDS SO WONDERFUL IT HAS ALL THE SOUNDS gush gush gush gush gush gush gush gush gush”

” ..*awkward laughter {FULL DISCLOSURE: DAVID IS A FUCKING SWEETHEART HE RAN INTO ME ON THE WAY TO THE GROCERY STORE AND GAVE ME A HANDFUL OF REESES PIECES. ma’am said they would spoil my meal but they TOTALLY DIDNT}* haha thanks daphny…”

“YEAH OMG WE HAVE TO HANG OUT SOON OMG DYAD OKAY HAHAHA BYE HAAHHA AHHHH DYAD” <— this is what i sound like when im fucking ECSTATIC i sound like a goddamn idiot

well i always sound like an idiot but thats not the point

what is the point? i don’t fucking care i just wanna play more dyad

OH YEAH THATS MY POINT
its taking all of my fucking willpower not to just MASH DYADDYAYDAYDYAYDYAYDAYDYADAYDYAYDYADYAYDYAYDASYDYASDYSAYFSDHGKJSDLUHWEALISGJESR;JHGOPIESRDJGEWRSIG

oh wait i just did it, well THAT SAYS A LOT ABOUT MY WILLPOWER!

 

the sound feedback for you’re doing well will be compared to sonic rings and 1up sounds by nerds, nitrous peaks by burnouts, runners high by athletes etc etc WHO CARES WE ARE ALL DYAD

 

i don’t like talking about the sound when you die, sometimes its horrible heartbeat nightmare climax gonna hit the ground sometimes its awful high pitched screeching going to crash into the wall sometimes its shattering piercing going to fly through the windshield

its bad sounds

its bad bad bad throbbing awful awful awful triggering harrowing bad bad bad bad bad sounds

its so bad its trauma bad its remembering all the horrible things in my life bad its INTENSE

i am an INTENSE person so you might not curl up into the fetal position for a few minutes every time you get a game over

but i fucking do and ITS WORTH IT

 

just like it was WORTH IT to get a compound fracture because the bike ride home with my bone hanging out of my arm before the pain started was INSANE but mostly because i got the big stuffed dog toy home

just like it was WORHT IT to take wayyyyyyyyyyyyy too many shrooms at furcon and think i was pregnant with freddy kruegers antichrist baby and furries dressed the way they did because they were preparing for the next ice age

just like it was WORTH IT to get hit on the ass 300 times with a  foam bat and not be able to sit for two weeks because of the feeling of absolute heaven and begging for more through tears

i don’t want to give more examples because i don’t have fucking patience for myself and you get the point

if you don’t WELL WAIT TIL TUESDAY AND PLAY FUCKING DYAD its coming out on ps3 and it’ll probably be on EVERYTHING eventually because its fucking dyad. wooooo *kickflips*

 

OH MAN THE BEST PART

THE BEST PART ABOUT THIS

is there are gonna be so many people that are like wahhh i don’t get it, this game is annoying and i just THESE FEEDBACK LOOPS THEY’RE NOT REGISTERING I CANT MAKE A GRAPH MY MATHEMATICAL BRAIN JUST DOESNT GET IT

there will be seven hundred thousand metaphors about how dyad is monks and dyad is dreams and dyad is death and dyad is this and that, and for everyone that gets in the ‘zone’ with dyad they’ll all ring true

but for everyone else they’ll be like MAN I WISH THAT COULD HAPPEN FOR ME I JUST CANT UNLOCK THESE TROPHIES

and im just like

ha ha sucker

you and your dumb robot brain

and ill be laying around sniffing flowers petting puppies and fucking women while you throw the controller down and go back to number crunching in nippon ichi land

(hello to you who takes this personally and is getting all uppity right now RIGHT NOW ABOUT TO YELL HOW NO YOU HAVE A WIFE AND TALK TO HER ABOUT YOUR -FEELINGS-, this is not a 100 PERCENT ACCURATE ZERO SUM BINARY. i am telling you to CHILL THE FUCK OUT for a second

in fact! this second im making fun of some dude on twitter who i keep saying stop crying your brain sucks and he’s like IM NOT ACTUALLY CRYING IM CONFUSED TO WHY YOURE BEING SO HOSTILE

im hostile

i am a hostile volatile beast of a person, it makes for AWFUL DINNER PARTIES but awesome friendships

oh now im telling the same dude that i would unlock the infinite mode for him. SEE IM ALSO AGGRESSIVELY NICE

but so yeah anyway about my stupid fucked up brain:

my dad is LITERALLY SCHIZOPHRENIC and my mom is fucking nuts from abuse and orphanhood

they messed up my brain man, its in my genes and its in my blood. but it makes some things easier, it makes LETTING GO EASIER

 

and dyad is about letting go, dyad IS letting go

 

*whimsical fairy voice* just let gooooo~~~~~~~

  • http://twitter.com/aliendovecote Porpentine

    YES

    YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

    YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

  • http://10n31yb4by.livejournal.com/ 10n31yb4by

    I don’t think you’re all that hostile.

    Coloring butts with hard soft implements sounds like a good experience.

    The game looks nice. Like a continuous death experience culminating in the player reborn to the real world when the game ends.

    So it’s out on PS3 soon?

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  • offal

    wow i’ve seen this around but it always looked very generic tron-tunnel, those screens (are they screens?) look gorgeous

    was about halfway through before i was gelling a comment along the lines of ‘game looks great, post seems weirdly hostile’ so i guess i can be counted amoungst the preemptively rebuffed
    but yeah game looks cool, i hope there are more games deserving of your review in the near future

    • http://daphaknee.livejournal.com daphny

      its not generic at all, but i mean when everyone says THIS GAME IS TEMPEST to a psychedelic tunnel game, i want to yell TUNNEL VISION IS LIKE 60 PERCENT OF PSYCHADELIA

      also yeah they’re screens of the backgrounds

      also also i added the bit at the bottom about me being HOSTILE AND INTENSE because it puts a lot of people off, but man i was just born this way i gotta cope somehow right

      my INTENSITY makes for more real and raw friendships though once people learn that i dont want to murder them

      thanks for your comment and encouragement, i think i want to do more game reviews yeah

      • http://10n31yb4by.livejournal.com/ 10n31yb4by

        >but man i was just born this way

        I should have noticed this before but:

        >but so yeah anyway about my stupid fucked up brain:

        >my dad is LITERALLY SCHIZOPHRENIC and my mom is fucking nuts from abuse and orphanhood

        >hey messed up my brain man, its in my genes and its in my blood. but it makes some things >easier, it makes LETTING GO EASIER
         
        These concepts don’t mix. What you describe are traits acquired by socialization. There’s no reason why anything of it should be genetical.

        • http://daphaknee.livejournal.com daphny

          not going to get into the nuances of my mental health especially after making really general statements about it that you seem to have broken down into basically me being dishonest

          but here: quit while you’re ahead and dont tell me how my brain works

          i know the specifics that were gained through socialization and what doctors have told me that ive inherited from my father. you dont, so SHUT UP

          • http://10n31yb4by.livejournal.com/ 10n31yb4by

            You know, now you’re being childish and that makes you not attractive.

            You were equating the things when they just might be supporting each other.

            Also, it’s in my genes is such a lazy excuse. You are not a slave to your genes.

            And since your doctors think the schizophrenia is genetical, they’re probably prescribing you medication. Which is meant to fix the state caused by your genes. Fix your brain.

            Also you seem less trusting of what doctors tell you in other examples of your writing. So it doesn’t seem to me you’re really down with doctors on what is going on with you.

            Which means you’re being childish, using an excuse as a shield to not talk about the real issues.

            There’s therapy for acquired traits. There’s medication for genetically caused misfunctions of your brain.

            Also, I don’t think you’re hostile just confrontational. Which isn’t a disease that would need treatment (anything beyond that qualifies as a medical condition and can and probably should be treated, not be abused as an excuse). Your problem really is that you don’t like the idea of being wrong. Even though it’s human to err.

          • http://daphaknee.livejournal.com daphny

            uh I GUESS YOU HAVENT BEEN PAYING ATTENTION because this post is about using my genes to mold my superpowers, instead of being crippled by them but thanks for saying ‘THATS NO ATTRACTIVE’ as if my existence is based on you being attracted to me? fuck off

          • http://10n31yb4by.livejournal.com/ 10n31yb4by

             All I was saying is that you don’t understand genetics. And you still don’t. Sorry if pointing that out to you is the gentically inferior kind of hostility. But go on, next step in human evolution.

          • http://daphaknee.livejournal.com daphny

            no i do, but you dont understand what im saying

          • http://twitter.com/auntiepixelante anna anthropy

            are you fucking kidding, creep? what has she ever done to give you the slightest fucking hint she cares about appearing “attractive” to you?

          • http://twitter.com/auntiepixelante anna anthropy

            actually don’t answer that because i bet in your head you’ve invented all sorts of excuses for your gross behavior. instead, why don’t you just CUT IT THE FUCK OUT.

          • http://twitter.com/glod14k Justin

            I’m sure you know exactly what is wrong thank you Internet Psychiatrist! What would we do without you.

            Shut up.

          • Cycle

            OH GOD, DO YOU FIND ME ATTRACTIVE? OH PLEASE VALIDATE ME BY GIVING ME YOUR APPROVAL, I ENTIRELY JUDGE MY WORTH BY HOW ATTRACTIVE I AM TO RANDOM DOUCHEBAGS ON THE INTERNET

          • http://twitter.com/aliendovecote Porpentine

             is there therapy for being a horrible creepy person like yourself

          • http://twitter.com/hambomaster a reprehendere

            is genetical even a word

          • http://10n31yb4by.livejournal.com/ 10n31yb4by

            Yes.

          • anonigaiden

            fucking internet armchair psychiatrist, just go the fuck away and never come back. no one wants you or asked for your so called advice, you creepy nutjob.

          • khoroshonov

            shut the fuck up you fucking creep

  • http://twitter.com/aliendovecote Porpentine

    this post is the opposite of hostile this post is a hug

  • http://twitter.com/auntiepixelante anna anthropy

    actually don’t answer that because i bet in your head you’ve invented all sorts of excuses for your gross behavior. instead, why don’t you just CUT IT THE FUCK OUT.

  • twerkface

    +5000000

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  • FUCK MY BUTT RELENTLESSLY

    i am literally gay
    also dyad sounds like it owns is there gonna be a pc version ever or am i gonna have to borrow my friend’s ps3 to play this rad as h*ck game