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RAY SIPE IS FUCKING AMAZING

if you havent watched his videos yet im doing you a fucking favor


what is normal? is it 4chan?


ANIME ANIME FROM JAPAN


sneaky cyberpunk


KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE BUT YOUR ENEMIES CLOSER

holy shit his costumes and his wit and everything, hes PERFECT INTERNET but hes like 308942390483290 years old
i will never be this cool

0 Comments Posted by on August 15th 2014 @ 9:06 pm

HOLY FUCK LOOK AT THIS POKEMON LINGERIE LINE

dear nintendo, you should officially release this HIGH FASHION as lingerie in the next victorias secret fashion show
really you fucking should
then you should pay SOPHIA FOR THE BRILLIANT IDEA
and also donate a small amount to my PATREON FOR THE FOUNDERS FEE
thank you
sincerely
daphny

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BvB8DLzCYAAxh36

0 Comments Posted by on August 15th 2014 @ 12:54 pm

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BIGSPACE
the arcade is a dying artform, sega and namco are definitely doing their damnest to keep public space games interesting but the only way for people to shove their quarters in machines now is for HUGE GIMMICKS like skateboards that you stand on and actually kick when you want to jump , or JURRASIC PARK style jeep cabinet, that two friends sit in while shooting giant bugs and working together to have the highest COMPATIBLILTY SCORE at the end of your genocidal sunday drive or a BIKE YOU NEED TO PEDAL to stay afloat!
there are places like babycastles and invisble arcade and fantastic arcade and indiecade and the indie megabooth and OTHERS who are reviving the public-in person play with their own styles of arcades. i dont even think its FAIR to say arcades are dying, theyre just fucking evolving
AND THIS IS FUCKING GREAT, but many of us dont even KNOW some of the fucking hidden gems of arcades of old
as a frequenter of the arcade expo CALIFORNIA EXTREME which takes place a 10 minute drive from where i was born, as a child whos family couldnt afford a computer but all my friends parents worked at videogame companies so i HAD CONSOLES
as somoene who would take the bus every weekened to sunnyvale golfland to cheer people on in street fighter tournaments
as someone whos interest in videogames was re-kindled by experiencing the arcade culture in a 2005 trip to japants
and especially as a really really really really really perverted masochist
I UNDERSTAND THE IMPORTANCE OF PLAY IN PUBLIC SPACES

every week im going to tell you about a game i love, that originated in the arcade
whether i have experienced actually playing it in an arcade is a different story, but you can be SURE if i have that ill tell you ALL about it
i have this cognitive disorder where i cant shut up you see

SO WELCOME! HOPEFULLY I CAN GET YOU TO GET OUT THERE AND FIND THE GAMES I SPEAK OF becuase i have good taste and you should play every game i recommend
not all the games i recommend will be SUPER RARE im not into being FIRST when its impossible to be first ANYTHIGN on the internet nowadays
i just want to offer games i love a space to be loved, and if any one person plays a game ive recommended, thats a priceless fufillment YOU SHOULD FUCKING PAY ME THOUGH

on to the first game!
MACH BREAKERS LOGO

MACH BREAKERS: numan athletics is a sequel the most fucking frustrating arcade game ever, TRACK AND FIELD. YES THAT ONE and no i dont want to hear your method for hitting the buttons faster than everyone else, because everyone thats anyone knows that the PENCIL METHOD is the best way to cheat
so yeah daphny you’re thinking DAPHNY track and field is boring you said you were gonna be talking about REALLY AWESOME ARCADE GAMES
well STICK WITH ME
MACH BREAKERS has a lot of the same mechanics as track and field, yes there is button mashing to run fast, but theres ALSO A BUTTON IN THE MIDDLE, AN ACTION BUTTON which changes everything!
ALSO THE CHARACTER SELECTION IS AMAZING

THEY ALL HAVE DIFFERENT STATS! for instance huge man with big belly is slow but strong, tiny man that uses HIS HAIR AS HIS HANDS is super fast but really weak, and of course mr all america is totally average

the game starts pretty track and field, the first level is just MASH MASH TO GO FAST DO IT but then something amazing happens

SEE YOU'RE BREAKING MACH BECAUSE THE GAME IS CALLED MACH BREAKERS

holy shit NO WONDER ITS CALLED MACH BREAKERS!!!! AND AFTER YOU FINISH THAT LEVEL (drumroll)


SECOND DAY?????? A LEVEL SELECT SCREEN????? (winner of first event gets to pick) WHAT IS HAPPENING?! SOMETHING IS HAPPENING TO THIS GAME?! YES SOMETHING IS HAPPENING, and its freaking AMAZING

as the game progresses too there are levels where you have to PULL GODZILLA THROUGH A BURNING CITY

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OR YOU HAVE TO CATCH A FUCKING MISSLE FROM THE SKY AND THEN THROW IT AS FAR AWAY FROM THE CITY AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN SO WE ALL DONT FUCKING DIE

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theres a level like the regular running level but theres HUGE BLOCKS OF ICE that you have to fucking BUST THROUGH with the ACTION BUTTON and the animations for people are great, like look at big dude using his tummy to bust that ice down

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so ive never actually played this in a proper arcade, just on MAME (which if you dont have youre a bad person and you should fix that immdiately) and its NOT EASY like you have to do things in certain times or beat certain distances, so i credit fed the hell out of it. which is cool becuase IT GETS EASIER THE MORE YOU DIE! i recommend playing the ENTIRE THING
oh on mame the sound is fucked up and echo-ey but honestly i think it ADDS TO THE EXPERIENCE
also losing is hilarious so you should do it a lot!
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blonde muscleman turns into a huge crybaby when he loses! dont you just want to hug him???

OH AND THE GAME SUPPORTS UP TO FOUR PLAYERS even though not all events are simultaneous play, and some of the ones that are only support two players at a time!

i think my FAVORITE event in mach breakers is where you have to shoot lasers at giant robots as fast as possible but sometimes cute girls pop up and if you shoot a cute girl you lose points

PLAY MACH BREAKERS! SEE YOU NEXT MONDAY FOR THE SECOND INSTALLMENT OF BLARGHCADE

3 Comments Posted by on August 11th 2014 @ 11:02 pm

HOW I BECAME FRIENDS WITH ALL SORTS OF COOL PEOPLE IN BANDS

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people always ask me HOW DID YOU END UP ON THE COVER OF A XIU XIU SINGLE so lets talk about TEEN DAPHNY for a little bit! (TL;DR: grew up in the bay area and went to a fuck ton of shows when i was a teen)

so my FIRST ibopa show was when i was 14, it was actually my first EVER live concert! we went because a skinhead punk band that lauren really liked was playing
but ibopa was opening and it was THIS REALLY AWESOME GIRL who i went to highschool with’s birthday, and jamie was playing her leopard coat for her birthday and i was like what is this magical fucking band, what is cinematic death mambo, i need more of it in my life
jamie would introduce band members as ORLANDO FURIOSO and god i dont even remember everyones name!!! i just remember orlando furioso really well because HE WAS SUPER FUCKING TALL AND HOT AND PLAYED BARITONE SAX and ugh he follows me on facebook so he’ll probably read this but I WAS A TEEN OKAY ITS NOT LIKE I EXPECTED TO BANG I JUST HAD A FUCKING ROCK STAR CRUSH SORRY KURT IM SORRY

the second ibopa show i actually got to MEET JAMIE because my friends both had huge crushes on him and i was like OMG LETS BRING A COCONUT BRA AND MAKE HIM WEAR IT and he actually put it over his suit-jacket and let us take a picture, DAMNIT ID TOTALLY POST THE PICTURE but its on a corkboard in oakland, ill post it here when i get my corkboard back

LOOK AT WHAT RIDICULOUS TEEN FANS WE WERE

LOOK AT WHAT RIDICULOUS TEEN FANS WE WERE

after a different ibopa show jamie stewart gave me and my friends a ride home, and he asked me what my favorite band was, and i said OH I DUNNO THE POGUES (still true) and he SCREAMED and started honking his horn on his silly station wagon in the middle of the freeway
second ibopa show a couple months later AND WE MET OMG
millions of ibopa shows (didnt make it to the last ibopa show but my friend did and got an ibopa drum-head)
one of the first times i actually hung out with jamie outside a show i was like hey lets punch each other lets play punch for punch
and we did it at like EVERY SHOW AFTER THAT he wo uld punch my upper arms until the entire fucking arm from my elbow to my shoulder was bruised, id punch him really fucking hard back too
once while we were punching each other (when his arm would hurt too much hed be like OKAY PUNCH ME IN THE LEG, NO WAIT THIS LEG, OH GOD CHARLIE HORSE)
like i said we punched each other HARD
it was outside this now closed thrift shop in san jose, that would have shows every weekend. we were in the parking lot PUNCH PUNCH PUNCHING AWAY and some people came out and were like PUNCH ME TOO then more people came out and we had this HUGE FUCKING CIRCLE OF KIDS AND BAND MEMBERS PUNCHING EACH OTHER AS HARD AS THEY COULD
it was a beautiful moment
we had to stop playing punch for punch eventually, because he said that his back was killing him when he played guitar, but he really WANTED me to punch him
ALSO HOLY SHIT he just texted me two nights ago and said i FUCKING BROKE HIS RIB but its okay “it was a long time ago, i loved it!”

oh MAN so one time me and lauren and CASPIAN challenged ten in the swear jar to a BOWLING MATCH and if we won they had to write a song about us!
and kurt, jamie and tim (ACCORDIONIST OF TEN IN THE SWEAR JAR/IBOPA YOU KNOW WHY THAT ALBUM IS CALLED ACCORDION SOLO ITS BECAUSE OF HIS FUCKING ACCORDION SOLOS, HES AMAZING TOO he gave us a ride home once and bought TACO BELL) all came and kurt had to show off his THUNDERBALL TECHNIQUE (that he threatened me with via email) which is basically this huge barbarian of a man grabs the heaviest bowling ball the alley has and then THROWS IT UNDERHANDED ONTO THE LANE SO IT COMES CRASHING DOWN WITH THE BIGGEST MOST HORRIFYING SOUND IN THE WORLD and if the thunderclap from the ball hitting the shiny bowling lane doesnt knock the pins over the HURLING 17 POUND CANNONBALL WILL AT LEAST HIT ONE
so yeah that technique is legit
they won
we didnt get a song

ten in the swear jar would play a lot lot of shows with DEERHOOF, another great local band, which is how i became tourettes (when i thought i had tourettes) pals with the drummer HES AMAZING AND SUPER SWEEt i wanna go to a deerhoof show again
he remembers me too! because someone recognized him at a radiohead show and she was like OH YOU’RE THE DEERHOOF DRUMMER IM DAPHNYS FRIEND and he was like OH DAPHNY YEAH I KNOW HER SHES LOUD

XITSJ WAS REALLY AMAZING WHEN THEY PLAYED I LOVE THE VALLEY xiu xiu does it alright live but it’ll never be as good as ten in the swear jar live SORRY PALS YOU MISSED THOSE CONCERTS

xitsj eventually broke up and I REMEMBER THE FIRST XIU XIU SHOW IT WAS JUST JAMIE BY HIMSELF WITH A GUITAR AND A beep boop machine, (at the clothing store we had the huge punch for punch circle at!) doing xitsj covers and a couple original songs
i REMEMBER him playing the sound of the police (who is my friend kenan), suha, and i love the valley
i think knife play is my favorite xiu xiu album because half the songs are from before xiu xiu official even existed. i mean xiu xiu has always existed but BEFORE XIU XIU HAD A NAME YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN ok

oh another really good early xiu xiu show with the original lineup of corey and dr. troll was they OPENED FOR THE SAN JOSE THEATRE PREMIERE OF REQUIEM FOR A DREAM???? i mean if thats not a perfect place for a xiu xiu show i dont know where is

AS FUCKING ALWAYS this post OF COURSE is brought to you by my fucking goddamn patreon! like what you’re reading? wanna see MORE? click the link and give me the dosh! PLEDGE AWAY

0 Comments Posted by on August 8th 2014 @ 3:06 am

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CONCLUSION OF DAPHNYS WEST COAST TOUR TWO THOUSAND TEEN

ITS TIME FOR THE FINAL LEG OF MY PACIFIC NORTHWEST TRIP! THEN I CAN WRITE ABOUT FUCKING OTHER THINGS god this has been a really long post BUT IM PROMISING MYSELF TO FINISH IT

horrible dragon boyfriend had to do some STREAMING OR some shit so i got to hang out with greg and ian and TJ AND HEATHER again and another person who im twiter friends with now but SHTI I CANT REMEMBER THEIR NAME IM THE WORST was it nero IT WAS NERO hi nero you’re a hero

we spent a fucking long ass time trying to get greg to eat a goddamn donut and he was being a shit about it so we had a twitter fight and i made the internet SHAME HIM FOR NOT EATING THE DONUT
DONT WASTE FOOD GREG

LOOK AT IANS RIDICULOUS PT CRUISER COVERED IN STICKERS
i think its ians at least
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then PAMI from PUYALLUP comes to seattle to meet horrible dragon boyfriend
puyallup is where the WASHINGTON STATE FAIR IS they have a really obnoxious song, also puyallup is fucking hard to pronounce and it took me like A WEEK to get it right

seriously whenever id say somethign about puyallup like 9482390453940 washingtonians would be all HEY THE STATE FAIR SONG LISTEN TO IT so now im passing the curse onto you
there wasnt much to do and it was RAINING so i was like fuck it nordstrom has free wifi lets just loiter there and we wander into the LADIES LOUNGE where pami shows me that instead of pads or tampons she just wears diapers on her period

pami is my adopted daughter so im allowed to embarass her on the internet, that is a parents job TO EMBARASS THEIR CHILDREN never forget this

OH SHIT LJ lj is amazing he SNUCK INTO GDC USING A BADGE OF SOMEONE WHO HAD THE SAME NAME AS HIM SO HE COULD MEET HIS VIDEOGAME HEROES apparently im one of them but thats silly, during a dinner after gdc phil was like THIS KID TOUCHED MY HAIR I DONT KNOW WHAT WAS UP WITH HIM and lance told me about touching phils hair LATER and i was like HAHAHAHAH LANCE HE REMMEBERS YOU but look at this birthday game lance made me

ZZT RULES. official pronounciation is zzzzzzzzzzzt. because its electric. this is canon.

YAY THEN WE WENT TO GAMEWORKS AGAIN since i already talked about gameworks ill just give you the IMPORTANT BULLET POINTS
-squidlarkin was there again, and he was wearing PAISLEY PANTS AND HOLY SHIT!!! DID YOU KNOW???? I REALLY FUCKING HAVE IT BAD FOR PATTERNS. houndstooth in particular but like i cannot CONTROL THE GUSHING OF MY HOOHOO AROUND SOME PATTERNS paisley is one of them, so like staring at a paisley butt BOY HOWDY did that make my hackles rise
- i kicked ass in king of fighters xiii, i just started learning it AND ITS FUCKING HARD but i did pretty damn well. gameworks has good fighting games
- MYSTERY TWITTER FAN FROM ARIZONA bought me a HUGE GLASS OF CIDER and also lost to me in videogames, namely tatsunoko vs capcom (i rule with roll im like IM CLEANING UP *HITS YOU WITH BROOM* YOU’RE FILTHY AND NEED TO CLEAN UP *DUSTS* OH??? ARE YOU THIRSTY HAVE SOME WATER *THRWOS A BUCKET OF WATER ON YOU* *HEALS FOREVER* im pretty sure gameworks was really pissed at me about those roll matches i get really rowdy and loud in fighting games)
-oh I WHOOPED DRAGON BOYFRIENDS ASS IN MARVEL 2 which makes me happy becuase he kept fucking cheesing me the last time we were there, and i was like FUCK IT ITS TIME FOR CABLE JIN AND the other sword guy who isnt strider SO GOOD IM SO GOOD AND CHEAP

speaking of fighting games WE GOT ALL STAR BATTLE! ITS A JOJO FIGHTING GAME!
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its got COLORS AND A PUNCHING MINIGAME
AND FUCKING HORSES

BUT WE COULDNT PLAY IT YET! we had to go to OLYMPIA with pals to see MADDOX be the NARRATOR in a super queermo version of peter pan!
so a couple of aevee and maddox’s twitter pals pick me and dragon boyfriend up from seattle and we drive down to OLYMPIAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
we’re early though so we go to the water and walk around a park and OH GOD I FOUND THIS AWESOME HIDDEN NOOK CAVE AND WENT IN IT WITH MY DRAGON BOYFRIEND AND HE HAD A HUGE BONER AND IW ANTED TO PUT IT IN MY MOUTH but we had to go to a play! that was hot i wanna go back to that nook and finish what i started
THE PLAY WAS GREAT! it was in this really cool builidng with no roof and when i say cool i mean FUCKING FREEZING i am not used to your chilly spring weather washington, why didnt you warn me
it made me giggle and cry because YES I AM A LITTLE BOY FOREVER AS WELL

i was SUPPOSED TO GET ON A BUS but i didnt because im horny okay.

so i got to go to a fun dinner with MORE TWITTER PALS like vogon and GOD SOMEONE I DIDNT KNOW YET BUT HE WORKS WITH SOMEONE DRAGON BOYFRIEND USED TO WORK WITH BECAUSE THIS WORLD IS SMALL AND MEANINGLESS
we went to a BOARD GAME STORE and i bestowed upon all my superior game knowledge
also did you know that choose your own adventure books have the worst art now? WHY WOULD YOU RUIN THE BEST ART EVER WITH A ‘MODERN TWIST’ ugh ill twist your modern til it fucking pops off
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aevee bought LOVE LETTER
we played it later that night and i WON AND GOT A KISS FROM THE PRINCE if you havent played love letter do it now its all about reading people and lying is allowed but makes you a horrible person if you wanna lie do it on a bed okay

yeah so i kept DELAYING THE INEVITABLE like 400 goddamn times but i FINALLY GOT ON A BUS TO PORTLAND TO SPEND A WEEKEND WITH AWESOME LIVEJOURNAL FRIENDS!!!! i met j! THEY DID THE ORIGINAL DESIGN FOR STAR WENCH, so you know all that star wench art by different artists? THEY DREW STAR WENCH FIRST AND ALL STAR WENCHES ARE BASED ON THEIR DESIGN NOW
THEY’RE ALSO VERY SIMILAR TO ME
here we are doing an unboxing video

see? WE ARE SOUL BRETHEREN!
we sat around a lot and yelled about the internet and HOLY SHIT WE ARE ALL FROM THE INTERNET LOOK AT THIS SHIT

okay done embedding vines i dont want your computers to DIE

OH MAN WE PLAYED PC ENGINE ~HORIZONTAL SHOOTERS~
NOT SCHMUPS THAT ISNT A WORD I USE ITS TOO HARD TO SAY AND I MEAN 80 PERCENT OF VIDEOGAMES ARE ABOUT ‘SHOOTING THINGS’ SO HOW DOES THAT EVEN DESCRIBE WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT
/total snob

and i got to meet a COOL BEARDED DRAGON AND CAT and i fed the bearded dragon so many crickets and accidentally bopped the cat on the head with my luxury vining device, a thing im really good at! i love you animals but my camera just NEEDS TO BE AS CLOSE TO YOUR CUTE LITTLE FACES AS POSSIBLE

oh i got to read THIS AMAZING ZINE ON THE TOILET
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cats may be bastards but gun safety is VERY IMPORTANT!

we went to POWELLS BOOKS which i knew about because HALF THE BOOKS I ORDER ONLINE COME FROM THERE and it was wayyyyyyyyyy bigger than i imagined and COLOR CODED and i ran ran ran up the stairs to the history section and then RAN RAN RAN to the RUSSIAN HISTORY SECTION and stared and stared and searched nad searched and SCREAMED
THEY HAVE
AN ENTIRE
STALIN SHELF
THERE WERE BOOKS ON IT THAT I HAVENT READ!!!!!
I WAS IN LOVE10509649_10152634765166383_2507761112969282355_n
LOOK IT EVEN HAS A LITTLE LABEL ON THE SHELF THAT SAYS STALIN!!!!!! wow!!!!!!! iw as very happy cuddling all that wonderful husbando history if you cannot tell by the photo i will explain: me and stalin are OTP i wanna sit on his lap and listen to him tell me whos name to cross out with his infamous blue crayon, that i happen to be holding, while he bounces me on his lap and whispers in my ear about what a dirty capitalist pig such and such is, and then dutifully cross their names out, erasing them from history
BECAUSE I AM A HELPER. I AM A HORRIBLE PERVERTED HELPER.

every night in portland i got to sleep next to the worlds worst hitachi magic wand
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AND THEN IT WAS TIME FOR MY TRIP TO COME TO A CLOSE, so j took me to the greyhound station and it was SUPPOSED TO LEAVE AT 630 PM BUT DIDNT LEAVE TIL 9 PM AND there were like 20 people who couldnt even GET ON THE BUS I GOT On then THEN the bus stops in redding and they’re like WHERES THE DRIVER AND WE WAIT EVEN LONGER THEN I GET TO SACREMENTO AND THE BUS IS LATE AGAIN but finally, finally FINALLY 18 hours later i ARRIVE IN OAKLAND
where i leave to move into my NEW APARTMENT with my bff LAUREN FLUTY who rules.
you know that fucking thing where they’re like DONT MOVE IN WITH YOUR BEST FRIEND its total bullshit, me and laurne have lived together before, are living together now, and are someday gonna have a FUCKING FARm
so THERE

ONCE AGAIN THIS POST WAS BROUGHT TO YOU BY MY WONDERFUL PATRONS SO IF YOU WANT ME TO KEEP POSTING FOREVER PLEASE CONSIDER MAKING A DONATION TO HELP ME PAY MY EXPENSIVE AS SHIT RENT

0 Comments Posted by on August 5th 2014 @ 12:17 am

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PART THREE PART THREE LOOK AT ME ITS PART THREE

this is actually gonna be four parts now! because I ALREADY WROTE FUCKING 1200 WORDS AND I HATE MAKING PEOPLE READ LONG THINGS IN ONE SITTING so here take it and stay tuned, you jerks

WHOO WEE HERE IT IS THE FINAL LEG OF MY JOURNEYYYYYY PART THREEEEE
im so tired but i promised myself ill write at LEAST half of this tonight and the other half tomorrow

YOU MAY NEED TO EXCUSE ME IF ITS HORRIBLY BORING i went to an awesome xiu xiu show last night and now i wanna write about why im friends with jamie because there are a bunch of good stories in there
LATER

so for most of the time i was in powell river i was MESSAGING horrible dragon boyfriend over and over and over and over, TELLING HIM DIRTY THINGS and writing DIRTY LISTS and saying i wanted to BANG (WE HADNT BANGED YET) FOR MY BIRTHDAY AND HE OWED ME A BIRTHDAY PRESENT
oh and i needed to get my favorite jacket back from pami anyway
and also a shirt and bracelet back from markus WHICH I DIDNT GET BACK BECAUSE I WAS TOO BUSY WITH DRAGON BOYFRIEND
and i was like fuck fuck fuck fine im not going straight to portland i wanna get laid (again, i had gotten laid on this trip already HI *NARROWS EYES AT HER EBOOKS ACCOUNT*)
yes thats right im the first person to ever have sex with their ebooks account. if someone else does this, and says THEY’RE first you just direct them back to this here entry and be like NOPE DAPHNY STAKED THAT CLAIM FUCK OFF

so i get on my bus to ferry to bus to ferry to bus back to vancouver, and my boltbus was scheduled to leave at 2:15 pm and i got there at 2:20 PM AND RAN AND RAN AND RAN and luckily my bus driver was chatting up a nice lady so he was delayed a bit and i JUMP onto the bus and sit down all panting while everyones looking at me WHATEVER I JUST RODE FOR SIX HOURS I DIDNT WANT TO WAIT IN VANCOUVER FOR ANOTHER FOUR FOR THE SLIGHT *CHANCE* OF GETTING ON THE NEXT BUS but i didnt need to tell anyone that whatever i made it
then we go to seattle, go through customs fine everythings fine and like 20 minutes outside of seattle he PULLS OVER
NOOOO i had had like TWO hours of sleep the previous night, was STARVING and expecting to get into seattle at six for dinner (i spent the last of my cash on a ferry getting a snack to hold me over) and i was just ugh ug hug hugh ugh
so we’re just sitting there in GRIDLOCK TRAFFIC and another greyhound bus drives by, they’re required to help but there was no way that bus was getting from the right lane to us in that traffic
i go outside and talk to the bus driver and apologize for my birthday luck running out (this is the day AFTER my birthday you see)
he explains that the air in the brakes was losing pressure and he had to pull over, that greyhound was sending someone but IT WOULD TAKE A WHILE
sit sit sit sit smoke sit sit yell sit sit pace pace sit sit stomp sit sit sit crawl back on the bus tweet tweet sit sit pout
“OH TRAFFICS CLEAR ENOUGH WE’RE GONNA TRY TO MAKE INTO SEATTLE”
worried cheers, IM TWEETING LIKE MAD YES FUCK IT IF WE CRASH INTO THE STATION I DONT CARE IM HUNGRY COAST ALL THE WAY THERE
we make it safe so i run to the bus oh so hungry hop off and RUNRUNRUN with my stupid suitcase to the bustop WHOO I JUST MADE IT ON TIME ONLY THREE STOPS TO GO
four stops pass by
oh well maybe i just read google maps wrong i cant get wifi oh well ill just trust this
two more stops hmm i should have got off there i think im going the wrong way oh well ill get off at the next stop
THE BUS GOES ON THE FREEWAY oh well ill get off as soon as it gets off the….. z… z…zzzz…
STARTLED AWAKE
WHY IS THERE A MOUNTAIN
WHERE THE FUCK IS RENTON
SHIT SHISTHISHTSIHTISTHISHITSHIT idiot daphny oh wow this mountain is pretty i saw this mountain before FUCKING IDIOT DAPHNY yelling at myself in my head as i TRUDGE across the street COOL ITS 845 PM I WAS SUPPOSED OT BE THERE 2 HOURS AND 45 MINUTES AGO IVE BEEN TRAVELING FOR TWELVE HOURS
then dragon boyfriend picks me up and we eat burgers and go back to his place
ohOH no he picks me up and tries to be all smooth and hands me a bunch of condoms to put in my backpack but im onto his game so i just toss them in nbd and yell IM TIRED IM HUNGRY
oh theres that nervous energy again, you know that electricity when you’re around someone who YOU REALLY WANNA GET DOWN AND DIRTY WITH AND YOU CAN FEEL THEY WANT THE SAME
2 hours of sleep? pish i start running around and screaming and skipping and hopping and being all daphny again but when we sit down i realize im shaking from not eating but im also NERVOUS so eating is hard hard hard
trying to eat my burger but remembering all the horrible embarrassing things i emailed him and told him via chat and he keeps GIVING ME THAT GLARE THE LOOK THAT MELTS ME shut up i just want to eat this goddamn burger “WHAT DAPHNY IM NOT DOING AAAAAAAAAAANYHTHING” and i narrow my eyes while shoving the burger down my throat

we get back and im playing some game called DRAGONS DOGMA and the character creation in that game is SO FREAKING GOOD the person i make ACTUALLY LOOKS LIKE ME!!! its daphny i yell!!! wait its not quite daphny yet and i go back and tweak the nose this way and say HEY DOES THIS LOOK LIKE ME and hes on his computer and mutters “jeez you take a lot of time on character creation dont you”
“I LIKE MAKING DAPHNYS OKAY”
the game opens with this big red dragon standing over you and saying really sadistic hot things and then he rips out your heart
and im looking around the room at all these PICTURES OF RED DRAGONS and im like hey uh
so your fursona is a RED DRAGON HUH and i look back at the screen with this huge red dragon standing over my avatar saying some bullshit fantasy stuff about destiny
he tells me yeah but that hes really not into the furry fandom anymore

later after he uses the condoms he says that he wanted to embarrass me when he handed them to me, i told him that i knew that and stuck my tongue out at him
DAPHNYS ALWAYS RIGHT

0 Comments Posted by on August 3rd 2014 @ 4:43 am

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MORE FANART

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by @kunsypt

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by ALLISON FLUTY

QAq8leY

by kitten

0 Comments Posted by on July 31st 2014 @ 6:55 am

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PNW TOUR PART TWO connecting with family, 30th birthday!

well HERES PART TWO OF MY PNW TRAVELOUGE: INTERNATIONAL BUISINESS TIME, ITS CANADA ITS FUCKING CANADA TOOT TOOT

well lets see, then WHERE WERE WE! OH YEAH!

soooooooooooooo after spending a few days with horrible dragon boyfriend im like OH GOTTA GET ON A BUS AND VISIT PEOPLE IN VANCOUVER AND POWELL RIVER, so we part ways (BUT NOT FOREVER, THAT COMES LATER)

i buy my boltbus ticket, well ACTUALLY DIZZYJOSH buys it for me! BOLTBUS IS REALLY SKEEZY AND LIKE THEY HAVE NO CENTRAL OFFICES?? BUT THEYRE OWNED BY GREYHOUND??? and they’re SO FUCKING CHEAP like it was 20 bucks for this ticket from seattle to vancouver and i got it only 3 days ahead of time SO IF YOU’RE IN THE PACIFIC NORTHWEST AND YOU NEED TO GO SOMEWHERE ELSE THERE AND YOU DONT DRIVE TAKE A BOLTBUS! or don’t! BUT IF YOU DO TELL THEM I SENT YOU they should give me free rides i bought so many goddamn tickets from them

OH DIZZYJOSH IS AMAZING. he was A CHILD ACTOR but he got out before it could drive him crazy! YOU MAY HAVE HEARD OF A SHOW CALLED STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION, well you know worfs son? APPARENTLY HIS VOICE CRACKED IN THE SHOW SO THEY STILL NEEDED A SQUEAKY VOICED KID TO OVERDUB HIM AND THATS WHERE DIZZYJOSH CAME IN! he also played young meatloaf in a meatloaf music video! HE LIVES IN

hahahah i tweeted at him to ask him what the video was called so i could post it here and he just took a picture of his rear view mirror and tweeted it at me AND I JUST GOT THAT ITS THE NAME OF HIS FREAKING VIDEO

well yeah so i hop on the boltbus WHICH I MESSED UP AND MY TICKET WAS ACTUALLY FOR THE NEXT DAY but they LITERALLY had one seat open so i got on
FOUR HOURS LATER
a very tired AVERY MCDALDNO picks me up from the greyhound station! they’re amazing they make games like DREAM ASKEW and MONSTER HEARTS if you like roleplaying games with VERY LITTLE BORING MATH you’ll love their games!
oh shit oh shit they’re also working on this AWESOME tv show about magic and transness called THW SWITCH with *actual trans actors* playing TRANS PEOPLE AND THERES MAGIC AND ITS AMAZING look at the cast LOOK AT THEM
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OH AND THEY TOOK ME TO THIS REALLY COOL TWIN PEAKS THEMED LODGE called the “black lodge” and the bathroom i went in WAS JUST LIKE THE RED ROOM and they had tables that were logs and i had vegan poutine and a drink called CARIBOU BLOOD adn it came in a tin cup! it was gross and wonderful! OH FUCK I HAD CHERRY PIE TOO OF COURSE
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LOOK HOW HAPPY I AM

OH OHOHOHOHOOH SO YEAH VULTURE CITY RULES! I PLAYTESTED IT WITH IVY AND AVERY AND I THINK ITS FUN AND CUTTHROAT. my friend AMIKA IS DOING THE ART FOR IT BECAUSE I INTRODUCED AVERY AND AMIKA
GUESS WHOS BEST PR *POINTS AT OWN FACE*
heres me TWEETING ABOUT HWO COOL THE GAME IS
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huff okay so i spent a night at averys and met THE MOST ENERGETIC FIVE YEAR OLD and we got along really well! he respected my pronouns! KIDS ARE FUCKING AMAZING RIGHT NOW HOLY SHIT, like i just wanna be every kids cool aunt

THENNNNNNNNNNNNN IT WAS TIME FOR A *FAMILY REUNION* my uncle lived JUST A FEW BLOCKS AWAY from avery so he picked us up from this delicious breakfast place in vancouver that LITERALLY HAS THREE DOLLAR BREAKFASTS AND ITS EGGS, TOAST, MEATS, HASHBROWNS ON A BIG PLATE FOR THREE DOLLARS i love that place im totally going back when im in vancouver again!
my uncle picked us up! OH I WAS HANGING OUT WITH KARL who i yelled at on twitter before, but its alright we’re cool now!
we played a little game of IS THAT YOUR UNCLE of every guy that drove by! because i havent seen him in 19 years! and he shows up all soccer player and smiles and i introduce him to my weirdo friends and then WE GO TO HIS HOUSE
my uncle is cool, heres why:
WHEN I WAS 11 AND VISITED VANCOUVER WITH MY MOM he gave me a copy of william kotzwinkle’s DOCTOR RAT. it is still one of my favorite books ever (why would you give it to an 11 year old though?!?!? its all about a rat that has stockholm syndrome in a lab and is trrying to convince all the rats in a lab that everything thats happening to them is IN THE NAME OF PROGRESS. also the even numbered chapters all take place from the POV of an animal thats suffering! its harrowing but also hilarious and i recommend it BUT I ALSO DONT IT WILL MAKE YOU CRY) kotzwinkle also wrote the script for freddy 4! which is my favorite freddy movie!
oh my god this post is getting long IM SO SORRY but im not done!
also my uncle bought me my first silly hat and i just cant stop wearing silly hats now!
HE DID NOT REMEMBER MY VISIT AT ALL. whic h was fine it was a long time ago, i reminded him of all the cool stuff he did for me and hes like “ohhh yeah i remember thinking ‘daphny will like this book and im glad you didnt tell your mom about it”
SO WE TALKED AND TALKED ABOUT FAMILY HISTORY and i met his sons kiaron and niall, who are both into parkour and skateboarding and shit
heres a poem kiaron wrote!
Bo_9fl1IQAA1kiZ

VINE OF MY CUTE COUSIN
VINE OF MY GRUMPY IRISH UNCLE

he told me a bunch of cool stuff about my grandma, and made fun of bono for growing up in the rich part of the town hes from, we called my mom on her birthday and she was very happy and surprised that i was in canada at my uncles house!
we walked around a park together and saw a DOG PROTEST it was rad, and my uncle was complaining about dogs and a bulldog ran up to him and was like HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY and hes like “DAMNIT THEY LOVE ME I DONT LOVE THEM WHY DO THEY LOVE ME” and i just laughed at him
his wife used to work for sarah mclaughlin and founded all these really cool music creation for kids resources but her job fell through and shes looking for work again HER NAME IS ANNA AND SHES A REALLY GOOD MOM

OH AND WHEN I HUNG OUT WITH AMIKA SHE DREW STALIN SMOOCHING ME WHERE IS IT
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me and amika just hung out on swings and she told me all about her comic book friendships and OH I MET HER BECAUSE OF MY OLD ROOMATE RYAN, he drew my twitter avatar. you should pay him to draw you a mameshiba HES A GOOD ARTIST PAY HIM FOR IT

THEN IT WAS TIME FOR ME TO GET ON A BUS THAT GOT ON A BOAT THAT GOT OFF A BOAT THAT GOT BACK ON A BOAT THAT GOT OFF THE BOAT AGAIN AND GO TO POWELL RIVER FOR MY BIRTHDAY!!!!! i got to hang out with RACHEL AND MAX AND THEIR TWO CATS AND THEIR DOG AND RACHELS TWO KIDS AND RACHELS HUSBAND WHATS HIS NAME HE WAS VERY QUIET
oh my god it was so fun here is their dog wearing my sunglasses
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HIS NAME IS SUGAR AND HE CONTRIBUTED TO ONE OF MY BEST VINES WHERE I ACCIDENTALLY WAKE HIM UP WITH MY IPAD AND HE SLAMS HIS HEAD INTO IT he was okay though

HERES ME AND RACHEL MEETING AT A TIM HORTONS
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WE GOT DONUTS AND TONS OF CHOCOLATE MILK and then went to her TOTALLY CHILL FUCKING AMAZING AWESOME LAZY HOUSE and laid around eating donuts and drinking chocolate milk
their cat is a graceful murderer

I GOT EVERYONE IN THE HOUSE TO PLAY EARTHBOUND if you play earthbound and tweet about it you should use the #MIRTHBOUND tag so i can see it

WELL LOTS OF HANGING OUT AND WALKING AROUND AND VIDEOGAMES LATER and trying to have cybersex with my awful dragon boyfriend and doing homework that he gave me that was just LISTS AND LISTS AND LISTS OF ALL THE EMBARASSING THINGS I WANT HIM TO DO WITH ME
it came up on my birthday! and as per daphny’s birthday tradtition i spent it all day SCREAMING ON TWITER TELLING PEOPLE TO TWEET THINGS AT ME WITH THE #BIRTHDAYPRINCESS HASHTAG
my birthday is a big deal okay, get with the program
I TURNED 30! we went down to the beach but first we went to some silly touristy store for a postcard and some bracelets and the lady that worked there would NOT SHUT UP ABOUT MY SHOES she was nice though just old
WE WENT TO THE BEACH I SAW A BIRD
I SKIPPED STONES
AND ATE CAKE
and made rowan nervous but he really liked me too because he kept wanting to watch me play earthbound and i was always very impressed when he wouild build skyscrapers out of blocks or organize cards or do whatever, he was neat, what a great kid
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OH AND CHECK OUT THIS AWESOME ART OF ME ITS MY NEW LOCK SCREEN
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OH AND RACHEL GAVE ME AN AMAAAAAAAAZING BRACELET THAT SHE MADE A LONG TIME AGO
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they’re amazing peopel and if you’re EVER UP THEIR WAY and dont suck horribly you should visit them! powell river is really pretty its just super hard to get to without flying (its a six hour trip from vancouver) BUT THEY’RE TOTALLY WORTH IT

so thats my birthday! NEXT UPDATE WILL BE GOING BACK TO SEATTLE, OLYMPIA AND PORTLAND to meet EVEN MORE AMAZING FUCKING PEOPLE AND hang out with some amazing people ive already mentioned

this post is brought to you by my GENEROUS PATRONS if you like what i do consider clicking that linkand throwing cash at me so i can pay rent, or at least tell all your rich friends to do so

0 Comments Posted by on July 31st 2014 @ 1:00 am

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THIS IS WHY ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK IS IMPORTANT YOU HATERS

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HEY THATS ME ON AN ALBUM COVER, PRETTY COOL HUH

CONTENT WARNING: SEXUAL VIOLENCE AND POLICE BRUTALITY

OKAY SO orange is the new black has been getting a lot of flack, and im going to TELL YOU MY EXPERIENCE IN THE WOMENS PRISON INDUSTRIAL COMPLEX and the people who i interacted with within it. this is MY POST MY SITE MY STORY so lets just have that clear.

a while ago i wrote a vice comic with harveyjames about my experiences as a 19 year year old white girl who took too much cough medicine on her 19th birthday and got arrested for stealing videogames and kicking a security guard in the balls, i was young i was stupid i was fucked up and fucked up things were happening aruond me and it got out of hand. i will never deny that shit.

I was raped by a police officer. he will never be punished for this crime, i did not remmember his badge number or remember his name or anything I WAS FUCKED UP AND SCARED AND IT WAS A HORRIBLE SITUATION. thats not what this is about at all, fuck him

the comic is still on vice, and it gets circulated around a bunch and hand waived as SHOCKING OR WHATEVER. before the comic goes full color funtime everything was just as i had written it in my FREAKING LIVEJOURNAL (me and harveyjames were livejouranl friends) and as a gift, as a form of catharsis james wanted to make the comic! he used the image of STALIN RESCUING ME FROM HELL and my harry potter fanfiction to express his appreciation of what i went through and his happiness that im now free
the comic IS SHOCKING. and no i did not actually bite the neck of a police officer and make him bleed. if i did that i would obviously not be here right now
the comic is full of ableist language and sexual violence and ridiculous imagery and hateful speech BECAUSE I WROTE IT A LONG TIME AGO, AND I WAS REGAILING A STORY OF WHEN I WAS FUCKING *NINETEEN YEARS OLD*
also me and harveyjames are thinking of finishing that comic up so people will just shut up about it.

SO ANYWAY the backlash against orange is the new black i witnessed at first was from trans community, but thats because of hte frustration with PRISON SYSTEMS SORTING PEOPLE BY PENIS AND VAGINA. its disgusting, we can agree on that
BUT LOOK WHAT HAPPENED LAVERNE COX IS ON THE COVER OF TIME MAGAZINE! HOLY SHIT, PROGRESS

then more shit i see in new york times articles and shit is like OH MY GOD THAT SHOW IS SO RIDICULOUS AND THATS NOT WHAT ITS FUCKING LIKE IN PRISON I WENT TO PRISON
hey assholes this is where i educate you.
the first season takes place in WOMENS *FEDERAL* PRISON. did you know theres a heirarchy of prison systems? of course you didnt. and im only saying OF COURSE beucase whenever i say i went to jail people ask me about PRISON and i have to constantly correct people on that bit of information! if you already know thjis, good for you hi five we’re pals.

i’ll break it down for you if you dont know however!
county jail: first time offenders, people waiting to go to prison, people on their way back out of jail
state prison: people in state prison are fucked and barely have a chance to get out again
federal prison: people in jail and prison call federal prison CLUB FED. there was a woman when i was in medium security lockup (for violent or dangerous offenders) who was going to federal prison, and she was like “I CANT WAIT TO EXFOLIATE AND DO YOGA AGAIN, UGH”

the first episode of the second season triggered me. i have NEVER BEEN TRIGGERED like that before, im sure i have been in one way or another. but the first episode of the second season mirrored my own experiences so much that i had to call my awful dragon boyfriend and just listen to him talk until my dissasociative episode fucking ended. thanks dragon boyfriend!

it brought back my horrible memories, of being shackled in chains, in a cage. on a bus full of men, who were screaming and hollering at me and throwing me notes with their phone numbers and grabbing their dicks and they were old and scary and tattooed and I WAS IN A FUCKING CAGE ON DISPLAY, not allowed to speak

so maybe like
anyway im gonna go watch more orange is the new black, peace.
before people wanna open up their fucking mouth and discount peoples experiences just SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LISTEN EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE?
okay shutting up now

ps be my patreon: CLICK ME CLICK ME CLICK ME

2 Comments Posted by on July 29th 2014 @ 2:20 am

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PACIFIC NORTHWEST TOUR PART 2

HOA BOOM BOOM BOOM BEAT THE DRUMS ITS TIME FOR DAPHNY TO REGAIL MORE OF HER SILLY SEATTLE ADVENTURES TO YOU, MY WONDERFUL PATRONS AND OF COURSE EVERYONE ELSE WHO CAN READ THIS you dont have to be my patron if you cant afford it BUT WHEN YOU CAN AFFORD IT YOU SHOULD BE MY PATRON DAMNIT

okay im done plugging for now
heh
plugging
oh god okay thats horrible dragon boyfriends fault but we dont have to get to him yet

SO OONE OF THE COOLEST FIRST THINGS I DID IN SEATTLE was go to this arcade GAMEWORKS (arcades in public spaces are a rare and wonderful thing, if you have not played competitive or dancing games or takka takka hold the guns shoot the dudes games in a public space TRY AS HARD AS YOU CAN TO DO JUST THIS)
gameworks is cool they have 10 dollar freeplay for like 5 hours every thursday night, its in downtown seattle across the street from THAT CON THAT MUST NOT BE NAMED
yeah! so i met @TRONMAXIMUM , @THUG_MURDER, @PUPPYTUBE , and like three other people who i dont know on twitter yet BUTTHEY WERE COOL we all played games!
i playyyyyyyyyyyyed popn music and my favorite game dance maniax and fighting games and LA MACHINEGUNS which vibrates really hard its super fun
oh yeah OH YEAH @WHATISIAN was there too he made THE FLOOR IS JELLY! we went out to eat at this trash diner OH GOD I HAD THIS HUGE PILE OF GROSS BREAKFAST FOOD SLOSH it was the perfect end to a night though, RICHARD HOFMEIER BOUGHT THAT FOR ME you should read my post about *him* if you havent already RICHARD HURRY UP AND FINISH DAPHNY GAME JEEZ O PETE. just kidding no rush
OHOHOHOOH AND I MET @SAMANTHAZERO and she let us all play SENTRIS which is this badass fucking music game thats noisy as heck adn super colorful and i wanna write about THE GAME ALL ON ITS OWN but she needs to send me a copy
i mean the game doesnt need me to be a hit BUT WHATEVER MOVING ON
oh and fucking @squidlarkin was there too BUT THEY’RE COMING UP LATER HAVE PATIENCE JEEZ

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AND THEN I MET MARKUS S. WITHAKAY who i was livejournal friends with like RIGHT WHEN I GOT ON LIVEJOURNAL and we’ve been talking online ever since, and afte rlike what, 13 fucking years we hung out
hes a huge pervert but hes soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ashamed BUT HE LET ME SIT IN HIS VIBRATING CHAIR AND SCREAM AND JIZZ AND EMBARRASS MYSELF IN FRONT OF HIS WHOLE DAMN HOUSE which okay it was really hot
whatd he say
oh yeah he was like “man we’d work together mechanically but im just not attracted to you” WHATEVER THATS HIS LOSS hes getting married anyway
but his house is super cool, his brother is this furry gun nut HES A COW MOOO and his roomate is just some dude who smokes a lot of pot and likes movies but they were ALL REALLY GRACIOUS TO ME markus let me sleep there and use his laundry nad he fed me a whole bunch
we played ARCHIPELAGO which is a game about not pissing off natives or pissing them off and stealing from them until they kill you. ITS A COOL GAME YOU SHOULD TRY IT becuase pissing off natives in real life is a big fucking mistake
his brother kept making racist remarks and i think i slapped him or i at least yelled at him
BUT WHTEVER oh i made vines of markus even though hes like DONT PUT ME ON THE INTENRET well guess what markus fuck you ha ha ha you’re on poopdoggyballs dot com NOW YOU FUCKER


thats him in the blue and his gun nut brother


he actually wanted this one online so i can make that small concession I GUESS

OH I GOT TO MEET AJ AGAIN who i *ALSO* KNOW FROM LIVEJOURNAL, he almost died of a horrible staph infection in his leg once and hes irish and has a really great voice listen to it

THE LAST TIME I WAS IN SEATTLE WE DID HELLA MUSHROOMS and i was yelling down a hole becuase i didnt know about the UNDERGROUND CITY
i saw a hole in teh ground and i was like OH MY GOD ARE YOU TRAPPED DOWN THERE DO YOU NEED ANY HELP I CAN DROP SOME CHANGE OR MAYBE A LIGHTER DOWN THE HOLE BUT I DONT KNOW HOW TO GET TO YOU IM SORRY
oh mushrooms are ridiculous!

THENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN i got to hang out with PAMI! pami is my friend from HIGHSCHOOL we lived together a while ago, shes my adoptive daughter and she just got out of a SHIT SHIT SHIT marriage and is now with someone who fucking loves her and treats her like the amazing fucking person she is
hes cool his name is scott! he drives around and works out a lot and pami deserves him

this is pami telling a story about throwing a rock at someones head

I MET THIS DOG AND ACCUSED HIM OF CRIME he was eating an earplug!!! thats a crime!!!!! DONT EAT EARPLUGS

THEN I MET MICHAEL FITZGERALD WHO IS @tuberqlosis ON TWITTER
he took me to TACOMA and told me about how andy warhol wanted to paint a flower of the tacoma dome. he damn well should have its a ugly grey eyesore, and a shame becuase theres a huge mountain in view of it

markus made me take a vine of him because if he murdered me markus really really wanted to keep my ankle
DIDNT GET MURDERED THOUGH MIKE ACTUALLY RULES
we went to an arcade and the arcade was closed but it didnt matter becuase he showed me THIS SHIT AT A PARK

LOOK AT THAT MOUNTAIN and that cool fucking twin peaks motherfuckin logmill YEAH YEAH GRIND ME UP AND SPIT ME OUT not really i have to write for now
so michael took me to this bar becuase one of the tables is a door and it was right near where we were SUPPOSED to go
and pami and scott show up to hang out again (they live in puyallup)
then MY GREAT FRIENDS MADDOX
oh god maddox
oh
oh man
OKAY LETS PREFACE THIS

MADDOX IS JUST
GOD DAMNIT THEY HAVE THIS GLARE AND IT LITERALLY MADE ME JUMP OUT OF MY CHAIR, WALK OUT THE DOOR, WALK INTO ANOTHER DOOR AND RUN INTO THE BATHROOM SCREAMING
OH IT WAS BECUASE MADDOX -AND- DRAGON BOYFRIEND WERE DOUBLE TEAMING ME WITH STARES
it was just too much

AEVEE RULES TOO! AEVEE WRITES ZEAL AND IS @MAMMONMACHINE ON TWITTER AND LIVES ACROSS THE HALL FROM MADDOX tehy are a FUCKING POWER PAIR. did you know that fire emblem is to aevee be as animal crossing is to DAPH A KNEE?
well its true so you should listen to what she says

THEN I WENT TO OLYMPIA TO HANG OUT WITH MADDOX AND AEVEE AND THEIR CAT PRESTON WHO CELEBRATED HIS 13TH BIRTHDAY!!!! we watched jojo!
if you havent heard of jojos bizarre adventure youre doing it wrong, and if you havent watched ANY OF IT EVER youre doing it TRIPLE WRONG

look at this shit
oh that voice acting is me, DID YOU KNOW IVE DONE VOICE ACTING IN *VIDEOGAMES* im loud and proud and you can always hire me to yell more! WAIT I SAID ID STOP PLUGGING MYSELF
hehehehe OH MY GOD DAPHNY GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER
im such a trubbish

then i lost another tooth! LOOK OUT IM SPITTING UP BLOOD its okay im excited for when i fix my teeth and have a huge metal grill and bite people, but only if they consent to it of course

OH WELL im gonna wrap this leg of my trip up with dragon boyfriend i guess!
AND THEN I WAS LIKE WHO WANTS TO FUCKING HANG OUT and some nerd with a bald man avatar shows up on twitter and is like ‘me i wanna hang out’
and im like DO YOU LOOK LIKE YOUR AVATAR
and he just said “hmm.”
and i was like OH MY GOD ARE YOU HITTING ON ME WHAT THE FUCK and he said no
adn then i was like OKAY WELL IM THE ONE WITH A HAT THAT LOOKS LIKE MY AVATAR MEET ME IN THE MIDDLE BECAUSE ITS A FAR WALK and we met outside some target and he said that my voice was a lot higher pitched than what he imagined it to be
AND IM LIKE NO WHAT IM THE MOST SHRILL HOW HAVE YOU NOT SEEN VIDEOS OF ME ON THE INTENRET JEEZ IM DAPHNY
and hes the editor in chief for some dumb eve website and has been involved with tigsource for a while
LIKE HES BASICALLY A HUGE NERD
and he showed me trailer park boys and caught on to my obsession with looking at houndstooh (I GET REALLY TURNED ON BY CERTAIN PATTERNS)
and i wriggled and yelled a lot and it was time for bed so he was like YOU CAN SLEEP IN MY BED IF YOU WANT and im like WELL IM NOT SLEEPING ON THE FLOOR
which was nice of him! cuz he never met me! i could be A MURDERER but i guess ive met a lot of people from the internet, so most people know that im harmless UNLESS YOU MAKE ME MAD THEN IM REALLY OUT OF CONTROL so dont make me mad, im doing my best not to get mad anymore anyway
BUT YEAH uh it was kind of accidental???? like i just see boners and am like GIMMIE GIMMIE and he was into it and OH OH OH I MADE HIM DO A DARKSIDEPHYL impression

hes basically ridiculous, but hes incredibly patient with me which is a rare quality in people!! i mean he could get fed up with me someday but im not really worried about it! cuz we have a safeword and i can use it whenever i want *wiggles butt*

OH HE DRINKS A LOT OF FUCKING TEA but me and pami helped clean up his apartment and i yelled at him STOP FUCKING FEELING BAD FOR ME DOING YOUR DISHES JESUS CHRIST IT TURNS ME ON DONT YOU GET IT
i think he gets it now! but AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH okay okay okay im done with this post! BUT IM NOT DONE WITH MY TRIP i think it’ll be in TWO MORE installments

guys this is my dream job, doing these things, writing about them, showing them to you. if you appreciate this at all please get the word out that i need to pay rent
thanks for helping me become an adult! i WOULD NOT BE HERE without any of you

0 Comments Posted by on July 27th 2014 @ 10:17 pm