THIS IS A SUMMATION OF ALL MY FEELINGS ABOUT FETLIFE.COM
oh boy another fucking social networking site to remind me HOW MUCH IHATE EVERYONE
I LOVE PAIN I LOVE SERVITUDE i love pushing my limits i love asking for more blows while sobbing and begging for mercy i love being objectified, being used as a table, being used as a means for my ma’am to get off i love giving up everything i have to prove my devotion, i love having everything taken away from me, i love being nothing i also love picking fights and fueling grudges, i love lose/lose situations, i love it when the odds are against me my submission is something to earn, i dont go down without a FUCKING FIGHT its an EXCHANGE you see
seriously half the profiles i read sound like a goddamn resume more than anything. is that how you people flirt? you talk about all the fucking seminars you’ve taught and how many websites you started and THANKS FETLIFE FOR MAKING MY SEXLIFE FEEL LIKE JOB HUNTING. ITS RIDICULOUS. i mean yeah its cool that you’ve given back and are active within a niche community but it totally comes off as you comparing cock sizes
I KNOW THIS ISNT A DATING SITE OR WHATEVER BUT STILL HOW CAN I MEET ANYONE IF IVE ONLY BEEN DOING KINKY SHIT IN MY OWN TIME FOR TEN YEARS AND NOT TEACHING OR WRITING BOOKS OR SETTING WORLD RECORDS FOR MOST KNOTS TIED IN A ONE INCH ROPE
i remember when i was fourteen all i had to go on was my moms porno comics but it was enough to make an alt.com account. having the wordINEXPERIENCED in my profile was definitely a beacon for ‘dominants’ to hound and try to ‘teach’ me. eleven years later i know exactly what i want, and i have no problem scaring away predatory skeezbags BOO
the bottom line is i dont take myself seriously but if theres any anchor to reality thats totally hot and serious and true and real its fuckin boot lickin ball gagged getting caned and waxed and hissed at and stepped on sat on fucked teased tortured tickled yelled at pissed on slapped beaten bruised left crying humilated embarrased ignored and used or not used in whatever way desired
GOD IT IS SO HARD NOT TO BE CHEESY
i have a ma’am and i want to be put into unfair situations, i wanna be the victim of a sadistic tag team or a beat buddy for endurance contests WE CAN BE WORST ENEMIES IT WILL BE SO FUN
i dont carea bout your stupid philosophies on kink, i hate the word fetish and how everyone is like YOU’RE INTO FETISH? I LIKE FETISH, LETS PUT SOME FETISH ON THIS SALAD, BE SURE TO BUCKLE YOUR FETISH BEFORE DRIVING ANYWHERE ETC ETC i think jay wiseman is a sissy nancy careful pants and if you want me to fucking sign 10 waivers and have blood tests and birth certificates and hair samples ready before playing IM NOT THE PERSON FOR YOU safety is cool but GOD YOU AHVE OT DRAW A LINE SOMEWHERE
ugh i hate reading long lists so im taking out obvious run of the mill kinky shit like all the things i like to be hit with and shit thats LOOK BASICALLY I DONT WANT TO DROWN POTENTIALLY INTERESTING KINKS IN FUCKING BORING BDSM BABBLE OK
i wanted to streetpass with everyone this week at gdc but i fucking put my 3ds somewhere stupid and now i cant find it, while lamenting over the LIKE BILLIONS OF FUCKING HATS I COULD HAVE GOT THIS WEEK i was image searching for dses and i found THE PICTURES OF MY OLD PINK DSLITE THAT WAS TOTALYL DESTROYED
i thought i lost these pictures when my flickr got deleted!
but here they are! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
i have a lot of words about last week, i have a lot of turds about last week, i have a lot of birds TWEETS about last week so i gotta like
holy shit
HOLY SHIT
how do i put it together!!!!!
but basically OH MY GOD I CAN ACTUALLY KEEP LIVING WHILE DOING WHAT I LOVE which is making everyone who ever talks to me and is awesome super famous
anyway look at my old busted ds lite
i loved that little fucker, NOW I HAVE TO FIND MY NEW ONE
WHICH DOESNT HAVE A DANGILY HOLE
WHICH IS TOTAL BULLSHIT
OH WAIT apparently it DOES have a dangly hole by the power lights that i just couldnt find before! WELL THAT’LL BE WELL AND GOOD when i actually FIND my FUCKING 3ds
MY VITA HAS SO MUCH ROOM FOR DANGLIES DAMNIT i guess ill just make my vita pretty ARGH BUT ANIMAL CROSSING ARGH
UPDATE: so actually my bad! hes as vietnamese boat merchant, which WOW GOOD JOB DAPHNY IDIOT
i dunno though
thats something for me to think about too! my ex used to go back and forth between vietnam a lot and like i guess one or two of the boat merchants dressed like that, some of them did have conical hats though
SOME OF THEM
i think its still stereotypical, not all boat merchants are the ones you saw in apocalypse now
but its also important for me to admit my own casual racism
its definitely problematic, if visual stereotypes are supposed to tell me its vietnamese, then thats still casual racism.
if you google image search “vietnamese boat merchant” why yes quite a few conical hats pop up! hmmm
cooresponding with a friend who frequents vietnam, she says yes some people do wear conical hats. its hot and sunny. most people wear baseball caps and just plain clothes, the robe makes no sense at all
its something important to think about! im glad the dialogue has been so open
its sneaky too, liek i never even noticed until deceased crab pointed it out, the dude is at the very bottom of the screen and i barely spend any time in the shop, i just click what new shit i can afford and get back to fishing
because i love fishing! what a good game!
when DC confronted vlambeer about this problematic imagery, instead of owning up to it AT ALL they pointed DC to a fake twitter account of a ridiculous fishing videogame character. which is also… i hate to say it…. RIDICULOUS
it goes bottom up because i just copied my retweets of what happened
just say sorry and fix that shit in a patch! JUST ADMIT YEAH, OOPS I GUESS CASUAL RACISM IS SOMETHING SO SOCIALLY INGRAINED THAT SOMETIMES WE DONT EVEN FUCKING NOTICE! its way better to grow and learn than to just be a stupid jerk and POINT A PERSON TO A FAKE TWITTER ACCOUNT! goooooood
its okay to be wrong sometimes! im wrong all the time!
i remember like six or seven years ago that i defended someone using the term ‘coolie hat’ on a forum! that was stupid, i didnt think casual racism was all that big a deal! its everywhere so who cares right? THE PEOPLE IT DIRECTLY AFFECTS CARE A WHOLE LOT
and i love this game, its great! which is why id hope the people who made it can be as neato as their game and admit that yeah, that shopkeeper is kinda gross huh? well good thing patches are so easy! thanks for pointing it out!
siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh
HOLY SHIT so last night my friend was doing a stream of links awakening and it was some stupid romhack that was boring
YAWN THOUGHT I but before i could close the window, my roomate ryan comes up and is like OH DOG DUNGEON ASK HIM ABOUT THE DOG DUNGEON
SO I DID
AND THERE IS NO TURNING BACK
http://www.twitch.tv/glod14k/c/1990920
heres a recording of the stream, the actual juicy bits start at about 12-13 minutes!
some great parts are a room of bracelets! open a chest its a bracelet! whats in this chest oh another bracelet im even stronger, feel the strength surge through your body as you obtain ten more fucking bracelets!
GOLD LEAVES CHANGE THE MUSIC TO HELLWORLD PICK UP ALL GOLD LEAVES
crazy tracys dildo emporium!
ITS TWO HOURS OF INSANITY SO SKIP AROUND OR ENJOY SOME PICTURES!
kirby stop that kirby no
rude
squeak squad prototype
LEAVE ME ALONE
FUTURE LINK HAS COME TO TELL SLEEPING LINK JUST TO STAY IN FUCKING BED YOU DONT WANT TO GET OUT OF BED TRUST ME LINK TRUST ME ;_;
the world is being torn asunder and you just grin that smug little grin
evil goomba shrine
sacred answer the phone dance ritual
the friend who streamed (@glod14k on twitter!) was gracious enough to give a quick run down on how to do this yourself
YOU CAN ALL DO IT
omg is it your first GDC? ARE YOU HERE AND ALONE AND WEEPING AND SHY AND ALONE AND OH GOD wait no you’re not alone here is a handy dandy guide for youououuouo
THIS POST IS A TEASER I HAVE LIKE 200 PICTURES TO GO THROUGH AND A LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT MORE TO SAY
i went to FURTHER CONFUSION 2013, after not having been for YEARS like YEARS BIG YEARS the last time i went to furcon i posted about it on my LIVEJOURNAL
i cant even make this post!
ITS LIKE IM STUCK IN A LOOP
the only thing im good at is going to conventions that are from ANOTHER FUCKING PLANET AND MAKING ALL THE FRIENDS
oh wait that doesnt sound so bad after all
THIS IS ME. DAPH A KNEE. CAN YOU SEE?
IM NOT A FURRY im more like those pages in highlights magazines where you have to look for all the OBVIOUSLY STALINIST PROPAGANDA hidden objects
IM NOT EVEN GONNNA EDIT THESE PICTURES, I DONT HAVE ANY WAY TO DO THAT IT SUCKS THEY’RE DARK
oh if i only had my mac i could just hit the stupid magic button
DID YOU KNOW?
i spilled water all over the macbook (my first computer IN MY LIFE)
I ALREADY TALKED ABOUT TAHT THOUGH
so it takes fuckin foreverrrrrrrrrrr to commute to san jose WHO WANTS TO LIVE IN SAN JOSE IT SUCKS DONT DO IT I WAS BORN THERE bus to bart to bus to lightrail to… CONSTRUCTION??? what is this i dont see a fucking conference i see SKELETAL BUILDINGS I SEE A DEAD SUBURB HAVE I BEEN TROLLED? am i letting patricia down? its her first furcon and i am feeling old and out of touch
OH YEAH WHEN I WAS YOUNG AND WACKY AND COOL ID JUST TAKE A BUS TO FURCON FROM HOME and party and then take a bus home now here i am asking a fucking security guard for directions because id ont understand the vast wasteland which is san jose
“oh they havent finished yet” he laughs
EVERYONE KNOWS THEY CAN JOKE WITH ME.
“just go around there i know its confusing and its dark, you’ll see the convention center soon”
so we walk and im like uhhhhh no this isnt going to work im a dummy im broke i dont have money for the fucking con tonight worryworryworryworryOMG WAS THAT A FURSUIT
“where” asks patricia
OH I SEE A TAIL
im tweeting like crazy WHERE IS EVERYONE WHERE DO I GO AHH HELLO HELLO WHERE ARE YOU WHO ARE YOU HELP ME HELP ME and people on twitter let me know party floor is free and then @VOOOLN COMES IN ANDS AVES THE DAY
wait no he doesnt i fucking call him and bug him HI VOLN I HAVENT BEEN TO FURCON
im eating daphny
okay okay oaky okay (i can hear it IT SOUNDS DELICIOUS)
so we head to
REGISTRATION BUT no i cant register for tomorrow TODAY? BUT I WOULD GLADLY PAY YOU TODAY FOR A CHEESEBURGER TOMORROW
apparently pre register means online, like, last year. not the night before in a manic episode of rainbow excitement. which means no passes for us tonight, which means no OFFICIAL parties and no OFFICIAL panels butttttttttttttttt the party floor is free right?>??? ITS ALWAYS FREE TO PARTY
vooln!
so anyway he calls me back and we MEET UP YAY HOORAY IN A HALLWAY BOY THERE SURE ARE A LOT OF HALLWAYS IN THIS CONVENTION CENTER
its more like a convention limb than center its just a series of halls and people from furcon walking the OPPOSITE DIRECTION making you feel like you’re going the wrong way
I WANNA GET DRUNK
ITS
FRIDAY
ITS
FURCON
FUCK IT LETS PARTY
oh i forgot to mention the ENTIRE FURCON WEEKEND THERE IS A TEENAGE VOLLEYBALL TOURNAMENT ALSO HAPPENING. and it has about the same attendance. its like one hotel vs the other!
things overheard: “i wanna pull on ones tail” “we lost LETS GO HUNT SOME FURRIES”
it was brilliant though, completely brilliant because OH GUESS WHAT WE’RE IN THE HEART OF THE SILICON VALLEY THATS RIGHT
SAN JOSE CALIFORNIA so everrryone is tweeting
and the furries find the volleygirls tweets! AND START BEING REALLY NICE TO THEM
Today @kaattiie_b learned a lesson. Don’t tweet about the furries. They will find out and tolerate the shit out of you. XD
— ♥Rhari (@Rhari) January 19, 2013
im not going to tweet any of the mean shit but if you want to twit hunt go for it. BASICALLY VOLLEYBALL GIRLS WERE ALL AGGRO AND FURS WERE LIKE HEY CHILL YEAH WE’RE COOL
which brings me to my NEXT POINT
why is this fuckin event IN THE MIDDLE OF SAN JOSE, WHICH IS KNOWN FOR BEING THE DUDIEST WHITIEST TECHIEST place in the bay area literally the most accepting, respectful, responsible, kind, CARING, GIVING, GOOD THING EVER like really
all our clubs and shit, everyones complaining about gatekeeeping and theres TONS OF IT
none here
COME IN COME IN WHAT A PLEASANT SURPRISE COME IN MY LITTLE FRIENDS ooops that was daphny robotnik
but really
this was probably the most diverse convention/conference/party/anything ive been too! ALL COLORS ALL AGES ALL WEIGHTS ALL ABILITIES ALL IDENTITIES ALL RESPECTED NO ONE TALKED SHIT ON ANYTHING TO DO WITH APPEARANCE
i had this great conversation with some old christian dude about how christians and atheists need to stop being bastards to eachother’
LIKE THIS GUY LOOKED AT ME AND SAID you are a great person! lets talk about energy
. IT DOESNT MATTER WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DIE CUZ YOU’RE DEAD ANYWAY
BUT WHILE BEING LOVING I GOT KICKED OUT BECAUSEAS YOU SEE GIZMO HAS A PASS BUT I DO NOT
passes are 60 dollars for the whole weekened. and then you know FOOD LODGING (THE CONVENTIONS IN A GODDAMN HILTON) and transportation
basically im broke as hell and only brought money for booze and pass. PATRICIA IS SOME KIND OF ANGEL AND FED ME A WHOLE MILLIONS OF BUNCHES
also yeah like even though we got kicked out a friend told us hey HERE IS SOMEONES PHONE NUMBER go to their room so i did! and they let us in! IT WAS TWO BIG HAIRY GUYS but they were so nice they let me charge my phone and use a pillow and sleep on the floor and THE DUDE CUDDLED WITHOUT EVEN TRYING BULLSHIT MAKEOUT TEENAGE SHIT it was amazing
then i woke up! OH BUT IT WASNT A DREAM I WAS STILL PARTICIPATING IN FURCON!
tomorrow though
tomorrrow ill have a pass and ALSO A PARADE
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my computer is broken! ma’am bought me a really nice macbook when she sold lesbian spiderqueens of mars but it turns out THESE COMPUTERS ARE NOT FOR POOR PEOPLE THEY ALWAYS BREAK
so right now my computer kinda works
like it wont go to sleep, it just turns off when i shut it. its stuck in capslock and shift and some of the keys are fused here lemme show you a sentence
Y ANAE S DAPHNY AND IR LIRFKE TO FKAIRT AND SHIRT AND GIRGGLLE AND THIROW P ALL OV<EIR THE PLACE
isnt it IRONIC that DAPHNY is spelled tototallylly perfectly??? ahhhhh
my computer has turned my keyboard into a doppleganger keyboard of me and im TERRIFIED I HATE IT
there might be a lot of ALL CAPS TWEETING at indiecade and i want to say in advance that if i seem ULTRA EXTRA yelling its becuase im stuck and i hav eno control i feel like this is really important
WHY
ID ONT KNOW
I THINK IT IS OKAY GODDAMMIHTAIJGSDJKGDF HAHA
MY KEYBOARD IS MAKING FUN OF ME
im going to indiecade!
i have to hold commmand control p and r when i turn on my computer so uit doesnt start in safe mode
broken computers are weird
OH OH I HAD A POINT
no i didnt, my point was to whine about how im lazy and id rather buy work arounds than go to the mac store because its terrifying and far and expensive and oh daphny you’re lazy
hi everyone im daphny and i love free games and i love CATS and i love DOGS so guess what i made a FREEWARE MIXTAPE
SIDE A: DOGS
murder dog iv - the CATimites
chat chat – terry cavanagh
ultimate chaos dog – KRASHMASTERS SOFTWARE DIVISION
don’t look at my dog - alex mcawesome
rescue the beagles - nenad jalsovec
russian subway dogs - spookysquid
this little piggy – auntiepixelante
vox populi vox dei (a werewolf thriller) – weremsoft
SIDE B: CATS
a game for cats - daphny david THATS ME IM FIRST BECAUSE IM FUCKING WOOOONDERFUL PLAY MY GAME WOO HOO
game title - michael brough
neco touch - j.r. hill
cat finds a hundred stars - yoshio ishii
chat chat - terry cavanaugh
fruit mystery - brett t graham
catsan - rob fearon
the fabulous screech – jonas kyratzes
super bogus world - hubol
THIS LIST IS SUBJECT TO BIAS BECAUSE I HAVE THE BEST TASTE AND THEREFORE POST THE BEST GAMES BY THE BEST PEOPLE
if there is a cat or dog game that YOU REALLY ENJOY THAT YOURE SUPER PISSED I LEFT OUT SORRY FUCK YOU ITS MY MIXTAPE but feel free to post your (inferior) choices in the comments!
ill totally still love them because aww kitties and puppies
i keep having to bend over to find the bracket button because the 9 key flew out of my keyboard the DAY I GOT MY USB KEYBOARD that was meant to replace my water spilled upon macbook keyboard that needs to go to the mac store
someone give me a ride this would be in paranethesis but I DONT HAVE THAT KEY
sp i have a successful huge dilapidated free cafeteria/dance club/shelter/art place, basically an anarchist safehouse on par with noisebridge/the holdout EXCEPT HIGH CEILINGS SUPER POST APOCALYPTIC AND TONS OF DANCING
also its where i buy my cigarettes
so i went to get my smokes and i got them put them in my tiny sidebag and left
AND I PICKED UP A FLYER COMPLAINING ABOUT MY ILLEGAL SPACE WHERE KIDS DANCE AND SCREAM AND ITS LOUD AND DIRTY AND THE FLYER LITERALLY SAYS, even though its printed on BRIGHT YELLOW PAPER in BOLD GARISH LETTERS
why cant the youth of today just chill
and im like omgogmgomg this has to be a joke even if its not HOLY SHIT so i run back to my dj at the Pile and show him the flyer. i ask if he wants to BLOW THAT SHIT UP and put it on the BIG WALL OVER THERE *POINTS*
then he’s like “OH MAN WE’VE BEEN TRACKED LOCK THE DOOR”
i do
“PHEW OH GOD thank you for locking the door, now the Dudes cant get in, but they thought you were taking some secret coded conspiracy in that packet and so i bugged you and i–”
BAM the second door gets broken down riot cops telling everyone DISAPPEAR while arresting anyone in sight who cant run away fast enough and disappear
i start running home, cutting peoples handcuffs so they can get away and running away running running
i get home to ma’ams mom and dad at the table, talking about our tenant WHO HAPPENS TO BE THE PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE
candidate comes in saying, singing shouting, marching, pointing, “SEE! YOU GO GREEN BUT YOUR POWER BILL IS STILL SUPER HIGHHH!” fanfare
mom says “well actually it spiked after you moved in and ive discovered exactly why–”
before she can spill that they’re running a nuclear powered surveillance system out of their room, annas dad grabs a huge german beer stein and puts his arms around the Candidate and they take off
I SCREAM HOW CAN YOU ABANDON YOUR WIFE YOUR FAMILY YOUR HOME WE WERE ABOUT TO GET RID OF THEM
screaming and crying
screaming how could you asshole traitor what about our cause
mom takes me by shoulders, “we still have a year in santa cruz then she’s leaving to cleveland and taking ferry to canada from there, i should leave the country too, without dad”
BUT MY PEOPLE MY FRIENDS I CANT LEAVE
“you need to keep yourself safe”
then she goes into her room after hugging me and i pace around til morning, well its fucking dawn basically anyway because ive been partying all damn night
oh yeah the raid, well those happen all the time so ill just head back and get some breakfast burritos at the cafeteria and shit will be chill, just like always, its not like things are getting worse, we’ve had weird tenants all the time
THEN I GET ARRESTED and theres a gun to my head
The Candidate shows up with dads stein shouting ”the family problem has already been solved!” he sounds like gaston. and dumps the stein out ITS BLOOD
holds a gun up to my head
make a choice, death or total slavery
i take slavery thinking i can take this shit down from the inside
he takes my hand
filthy
and does a tour through the INTTERROGATION CHAMBER
there are three 5-8 year old children strung up and being stretched to their absolute LIMITS by rope. sweating and screaming and pissing
The Candidate announces: THESE ~QUEER CHILDREN~ CLAIM TO BE MINE, THEIR MOTHER IS MY WIFE, BUT I AM NOT THEIR FATHER. WE WILL STRETCH THE TRUTH FROM THEM TO FIND THE MAN WHO PLANTED THESE WEEDS AND KILL HIM”
two young people with poisonous bugs getting dumped on them any time a bell is rung
“upstarts” he says
a horrible smelly bloody shitty chamber that i scream NO NO ENOUGH and look away from
can hear the screams
The Candidate takes me to a shower, points out theres no graffiti inside and tells me to clean the filth off (living in slums there is not a lot of shower time)
WATER IS SCALDING I SCREAM I CRY and run out into his open arms
shudder
he bathes me
shudder
gives me a stupid victorian steampunk bullshit whatever gross uncomfortable complicated outfit and over the course of a few weeks rapes me, makes me massage him, serve him, cook for him, assuring me that this is how a woman really lives, the lap of luxury, as if this is some kind of class initiation ritual
“my last wife tried to swear when she stubbed her toe and well….. ha ha! we don’t need to say what happened to her, but think about a bar of soap in a filthy childs mouth, and then replace that soap with MOLTEN LAVA!” GUFFAW
we go to symphony where they playshows making fun of the poor, songs that praise money, and ALSO TEACH US MAGIC POWERS
how to fly and shoot lasers from hands that immobilize upstarts
i have been his waifu for months so i learn basics, can shoot lasers and fly but not far or fast yet
gain his trust learn more powers
wonder if all my friends are dead
finally he gets called to the cloud city where the REAL royalty lives not this palace of pleasure thats so close to so much scum
takes me to a REAL SCHOOL with a ballpit and REAL BOOKS (the kids snigger that i still read books, they all have the most super of super powers so they probably have brain internet or something)
the kids speak a WHOLE DIFFERENT LANGUAGE that i must learn
try using the voice of my people and The Candidate SLAPS ME hard “DO NOT SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF FILTH HERE, WE WILL NEVER BE ALLOWED IN CLOUD CITY AGAIN”
they are pretty awful children and they ignore me until they say “say this in our language, itshow you say hi” then they speak a bunch of gibberish and i repeat it verbatim
*LAUGHTER*
“YOU JUST SAID I PEE IN MY MOUTH AND AM PROUD” raucous laughter
embarrassment, lots of it, oh boy.
then they say that we are friends and as long as i do everything they say that they wont kick me off the cloud planet and tell my husband
weeks of servitude and humiliation
but at least i can play with blocks
and markers
and crayons
and glue and plastic and metal and wires and lightbulbs and motors and where do these resources come from
eventually i build a pop up book about living for yourself and only helping others out of genuine care and concern, community building, sex and love
they read it and GO NUTS IN A GOOD WAY THEY HEAR ME I AM TRUMPETING IN THEIR LANGUAGE
we understand eachother
we are free of heirarchies
we plan to go back because the cops don’t have superpowers and we can free everyone
we all fuck
they build vibrators and dildos and sex swings from childrens toys (none of us are children, we are all husbands and wives of Big Important Government People, so we’re literally brought to a daycare that we live at and treated as incompetent kids)
we fuck more, we plan, we plan while fucking and fuck while planning
then we leave
we leave the cloud city never to return
i wonder if everyone i knew before was dead, i think of the propaganda created against my awful traitor ass
i did give up willingly….