today at the seattle library i went down the GREAT BIG NONFICTION SPIRAL and found issues of COMPUTER AND AUTOMATION and the august 1967 issue had this FREAKING AWESOME COMPUTER ART CONTEST and so much of it is AMAZZZZZING lemme show you the FINALISTS and then the winner! you can click for a closer look if you SO DESIRE

BOXES: the corner of each rectangle was generated by random numbers. The x dimension of the box was determined as 1.09 times the  coordinate. this resulted in a random spacing of the rectangles with a random pattern to their size. The design was made on an IBM I620 with a 1627 plotter, and was programmed in FORTRAN

GIRL — AND GIRL SHOOK UP: a package of subroutines for manipulating arbitrary line drawings was used in preparing these drawings. They were plotted by a CalComp 565 plotter, offline from an IBM 7094/II. “Girl” was programmed as 700 points by Gordon Deecker. In “Girl Shook Up”, each of the 700 points making up the picture was randomly displaced in the vertical direction. The displacement is normally distrubuted with mean of 0 inches, standard deviation of .3 inch, maximum displacement of .3 inch up or down

PICTURE OF AN OLD WOMAN: A picture of an old woman was placed in the memory of an IBM 7094. Mathematical strategies were then applied to the original data and in progressive steps, the image of the old woman was stretched in the Y direction and compressed in the X direction

SEEING STARS: The most important element in this drawing is direction. Positioning is only predetermined with maximum and minimum sizes. Stars grow from the three-pointed star in the lower righthand corner to the nine-pointed star in the center of the picture.

MAN AND HIS WORLD: Shown here are frames from a 16mm film entitled “Man and His World” made in connection with Expo 67. The film was produced by programming in a special macro-extended version of the BELFIX language (which in turn is written in macro FAP)
ILL MACRO FAP SOMETHING ALRIGHT
The output in each instance is a 252-by-184 array of Charactron characters produced by the Stromberg-Carlson 4020. The resulting black-and-white film was subsequently printed through sequences  and combinations of colored filters and a soundtrack added by traditional methods

okay i have another picture of this one because i like it
I REALLY WANNA FUCKING SEE THIS MOVIE I NEED TO KNOW WHAT THE SOUNDTRACK IS LIKE AND ALSO WHATS A CHARACTRON IT SOUNDS LIKE A ROBOT SERVANT THAT I NEED LIKE, RIGHT NOW

CHAOS TO ORDER:  Each line of the bird was distributed at random. The computer drew the chaotic version first, and in progressive stages brought the bird back together.
HOLY SHIT THATS RAD AS HECK

FACES IN RANDOM LIGHT AND SHADOW: A line drawing was transformed mathematically into a shaded image. Then a spiral, rectangle, triangle, and star were used as character symbols through each line segment. A random number generator determined the intensity; size of each symbol is a function of its distance from a reference point outside the picture
I STARED AT THIS ONE FOR A REALLY LONG TIME I RECOMMEND LOOKING AT THE BIG IMAGE
LOOK I KNOW MOST PEOPLE WHO READ THIS ARE LIKE SUPER DUPER PROGRAMMERS BUT ITS REALLY COOL HAVING STUFF THAT MOST PEOPLE THINK IS BASIC SHIT NOW BROKEN DOWN IN A WAY THAT I ACTUALLY UNDERSTAND ALRIGHT SO FUCKING BEAR WITH ME JEEZ O PETE

CYLINDERS: Picture of an image being displayed on a cathode ray tube. In the Ambilog 200 computer memory is a description in three-dimensional coordinates of the image. The image is similar to two intersecting cylinders. The image is drawn line-by-lines at an overall frame rate of 40 frames per second

I ALSO REALLY LIKE HOW CLINICALLY NAMED HALF OF THEM ARE and then the other half are totally art projects, not something thats all WHOA LOOK WHAT MY COMPUTER CAN DO HIRE ADAGE INC AT FOURTY FRAMES PER SECOND

but sometimes the clinical actually sounds like something really artistic too!

BIRD IN A CIRCLE: The drawing of a humming bird was placed on a polar coordinate system. The program cals for 22 birds to be placed in a circle.

LABYRINTH: NO DESCRIPTION NEEDED. ITS GERMAN ENGINEERING.

SNOWFLAKES and
FRIENDLY FLOWERS OF SPACE AND TIME
were programmed in extended ALGOL, read into a Burroughs B5500, and plotted on a CalComp 565 plotter. The snowflake crystal as it appears in nature is hexagonal, delicate, and has twelve degrees of symmetry. By calculating the coordinates of the points for one-half of one branch of the snowflake and making the proper reflections and rotations, intricate snowflake designs were approximated, and randomly placed.

LOOK I KNOW I ALREADY MADE A KID PIX REFERENCE BUT HOLY SHIT THERES DEFINITELY A SNOWFLAKE PAINTBRUSH AND I GUESS I KINDA GET HOW THEY DID IT NOW THIS IS FUCKING *EDUTAINMENT* FOLKS

RANDOM WAR, 1967: A computer program which generates random numbers is called a pseudo-random number generator (HEY I KNEW THAT!). Such a program determined the distribution and the position of soldiers on the battlefield. The program places each soldier into perspective. Names were assigned to each soldier. A random number generator also decided who is to die and who is to be wounded. A picture 30′ X 100; (a portion shown here) in color of the battle was produced by the comptuer and gave the following information: (1) Total number of dead on each side (2) Total number of wounded on each side (3) Number of dead and wounded in each of 40 sectors of the battlefield and (4) Identification of the dead and wounded in alphabetical order.

POWER OSCILLATION PERSPECTIVE: A perspective view of the power oscillation at a particular location in a nuclear reactor during a xenon transient. Drawn on a CalComp plotter by a FORTRAN program on the Philco 2000 computer

FLIES TRANSFORMED: The distribution was based upon a combination of random numbers placed inside a region such as a triangle and then a transformation was made to another region such as a half circle. This was a problem in conformal mapping.

INFINITY: The sign of infinity, drawn by computer plus man AND OH MY GOD HE SIGNED IT MAN AND COMPUTER SIGNED AND DATED THIS ONE

SHATTERED GLASS: Selected symbols drawn at random

THE ARTICHOKE: I GET IT BECAUSE IM CHOKING ON THE MAGNIFICENCE OF THIS ART RIGHT I MEAN
A hexagon is rotated clockwise and counter-clockwise while being reduced in size.

AND THE WINNER IS
SINE CURVE MAN, 1967: a picture of a man was placed in the memory of an IBM 7094. Mathematical strategies were then applied to the original data. The X value remained constant, and a sine curve function was placed upon the Y value. GIven the X and Y coordinates for each point, the figure was plotted from X1 = X, Y1 = Y + C * SIN (X) where C is increased for each successive image.

WOOOHOOO heres a bonus picture of a small computer
SHIT I JUST READ THIS IS FROM THE FIFTH ANNUAL COMPUTER ART CONTEST IM GONNA HAVE TO GO BACK AND FIND THE BEST OF THE FOUR YEARS PREVIOUS AND HOW EVER MANY YEARS THEY DID AFTER THIS SHIT LIBRARIES ARE EXCITING YOU SHOULD VISIT YOUR LOCAL LIBRARY AND GO THROUGH ALL THE REFERENCE MATERIAL EVER YOU COULD MAKE LIKE FIFTY WEBSITES

posts like this are brought to you by MY PATRONS, so if youd like to see more frequent posts by me, please consider donating so i can POST THINGS FULL TIME itd be awesome to FIND THINGS FOR YOU FULL TIME and sometimes even WRITE FOR YOU FULL TIME
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IN JUNE 1984 ATARI ACTUALLY KILLED VIDEOGAMES.
videogames were SUPPOSED TO BE RUINED by there was a delay because atari wanted to wait until i was born so the death of videogames could be blamed on me. i was born in 1984 yes okay its just a coincidence THE REAL CULPRIT IS THE ARCADE GAME
I ROBOT

we’ll get into why it killed videogames later let me first tell you about why this fucking game is FUCKING AWWWWESSSSOME
its been argued as the first 3d game a lot but i think thats bullshit the first 3d game was obviously tag i mean have you ever tried to play tag with paper it doesnt fucking work the paper just flies away don’t even try it i swear it doesnt work, trust me STOP LEAVING TO TRY TO TAG PAPER IT WONT WORK DAMNIT

ahem
sorry i was thinking about tea and paper has something to do with tea im sure
BACK TO I ROBOT
so yes, A FUCKING FULL 3D GAME IN 1983 so next time one of your star fox nerd friend tries to open their mouth about how awesome and ahead of its time their sacred cow snes game is you gently hold your finger against their lips, shake your head and whisper, “hush baby. you haven’t heard of i, robot”

the premise is pretty simple, you gotta jump around a blue area in space touching all the red floor to turn it blue because you dont like red in your house this is a BLUE HOUSE GET YOUR RED ASS OUT OF HERE
colors are important OH SHIT AND DOES THIS GAME HAVE COOOOLORS they’re really bright and garish and flashy and are really reminiscent of blaster honestly i dont know what happened to color in western games like is it because the pixels are so small now so everything mashes together and turns brown? like thats what happens to my shit but i dont make an entire games color palette based on it YOU CANT JUMP WHEN THE EYE IS OPEN BECAUSE IT WILL SEE YOU AND TELL ITS PALS AND THEN ALL THE ROBOTS WILL MAKE FUN OF THE WAY YOUR HIPS WIGGLE WHEN YOU JUMP

okay im sorry lets just have the official description speak for itself

“You are an unhappy interface robot (#1984) in rebellion against “Big Brother” and his EVIL EYES. The evil eye dictates the law. The evil eye will kill you if it sees you breaking the law. Your mission is to destroy the evil eye.”

OH RIGHT THAT MAKES SO MUCH MORE SENSE JUMPING IS ILLEGAL SO YOU HAVE TO DESTROY THINGS THAT MADE JUMPING ILLEGAL

have i mentioned the evil eye is fucking SCARY AS HELL like look at that shit who WOULDNT just be paralyzed in TERROR when they saw that fucker
it also makes me hit the button in a panic so the eye is a great enemy no matter what kind of fear it instills
theres also birds to avoid but i mean, its a fucking videogame with jumping of course theres annoying birds thats just videogame rule number one basically, i think the quote was “HATH THE VIDEOGAME JUMPS? THEN BIRDS THERE SHALL BE” language was weird in the 80s, right?

oh and in between each level you get to take your gummy ship, i mean robot and fly through shooting bad dudes and changing boulders colors til they disappear and dodging debris to the next level! THIS IS SUPER FUTURISTIC WHEN WE WERE NORMALLY USED TO HANG OUT ON ONE 2D SCREEN THEN THAT 2D SCREEN CHANGES TO A SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT BUT DEFINITELY THE SAME KIND OF IDEA 2D SCREEN
you fucking feel yourself TRAVELING BETWEEN LEVELS, like theres a little landing pad at the beginning of the next one that says LAND HERE
it gives them a sense of space! this just isnt a maze or set of platforms within a tv screen, this is the type of game 8 year old me would press their face against to try to see outside the boundaries of whats happening on the monitor because THERE HAS TO BE SOMETHING ELSE OUT THERE
its pretty amazing
god and there are 126 LEVELS!!! thats a fucking shit ton for 1984!!!!!
also theres only one button, you may thinK BUT I HAVE TO DESTROY THE EYE HOW DO I DO THAT BY ONLY JUMPING IM NOT MARIO IM A ROBOT well you do it by LOOKING AT IT but before you can do that you have to destroy the SHIELD which is just the number of red squares you havent walked on yet!

THE POSTER IS BEAUTIFUL TOO I CANT FIND A HIGHER RESOLUTION OF IT BUT I CAN ASSURE YOU THOSE ARE INSTRUCTIONS ON HOW TO PLAY AND IF I ACTUALLY HAD THE POSTER (HINT HINT) I COULD EDIT THIS POST AND RESCAN IT AND GIVE DETAILED IMAGES OF THOSE LITTLE INSTRUCTIONS ON THE BOTTOM COULDNT I, OH IF ONLY THERE WAS A WAY TO GIVE ME MONEY SO I COULD BUY THAT POSTER AND IMPROVE THE QUALITY OF THIS POST THAT WOULD SURE BE COOL oh thats just my patreon you should check it out, i like to make things ENOUGH ABOUT ME LETS GET TO THE BEST PART OF I ROBOT

so when you insert your quarter into this beautiful cabinet

you are then presented with a CHOICE. you can either play I ROBOT or if you select the left option you may enjoy DOODLE CITY: THE UNGAME
no im not fucking kidding there were non games wayyyyy before tale of tales came along

doodle city basically presents you with objects from the game which you can manipulate and turn around and a bunch of neat debug switches so you can make SUPER FUCKING COOL LOOKING EFFECTS
ALSO the ungame isn’t some kind of free play mode either. you are subtracted ONE LIFE for each minute you spend in DOODLE CITY (time flies when you’re having fun) and after you lose all three lives you lose your credit. you can spend a minute or two in doodle city and then get down to buisiness fighting big brother at the expense of some of your lives. you can leave doodle city any time, but you’re gonna need more quarters to come back
MY DESCRIPTION CAN NOT DO IT JUSTICE LOOK AT FUCKING DOODLE CITY

im sorry i could not stay quiet during doodle city its just too fucking good
so yeah you should fucking go play i robot AND IF YOU MAKE ANYTHING REALLY NEAT IN DOODLE CITY LEAVE A COMMENT WITH A SCREENCAP OR A VIDEO OF YOUR CITY OF DOODLES! LETS BUILD A DOODLE EMPIRE TOGETHER! BIG BROTHER CANT STOP THIS LITTLE INTERFACE ROBOT FROM HAVING FUN WITH ARTISTIC INTEGRITY!

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fuck! moving has thrown me all out of whack BUT I HAVE NOT FORGOTTEN MY HISTORY LESSONS TO YOU, FAITHFUL READERS about amazing arcade games that we should PRESERVE and LEARN FROM

yes! blarghcade, the blargh sounds for MY WORDS SPILLING OUT LIKE PUKE
delicious ~educational~ puke
WELCOME!

todays game is VERY SPECIAL TO ME and i recommend you read this post with the volume ALL THE WAY UP

because its one of the most COLORFUL INTENSE SOUNDING STRESSFUL GAMES EVERRRRRRRRRRRRRR and its by taito in 1982! YES
FUCKING

zoo keeper is an obnoxious sounding game with obnoxious colors about OBNOXIOUS FUCKING ANIMALS WHO BREAK YOUR WALLS WAY FASTER THAN YOU CAN BUILD THEM

you run a zoo. and your zoo is pretty low budget because its just you running it! and you’re A BRILLIANT ZOOKEEPER the gimmick to YOUR ZOO is that ALL THE FUCKING ANIMALS ARE IN THE SAME CAGE
because people love it when animals are PISSED OFF AND HAVE ENERGY so this is a very popular zoo you’ve created!
but also its fucking low budget so your job is to RUN AROUND SCREAMING AND THROWING ROCKS IN A PILE that your asshole agitated animals are CONSTANTLY BREAKING DOWN and trying to escape
but whatever instead of spending money on, say, cement you thought ‘NO I CAN LOWER THE GRAVITATIONAL FIELD AROUND MY ZOO so when they start running amok ill just HOP RIGHT OVER THEIR HEADS” this also boosted the popularity of your zoo
every once in a while someone watching your zoo will throw you a four leaf clover or mug of root beer for your energetic antics but like who fucking cares THERES ANIMALS ON THE LOOSE
sometimes you have a net that SHOVES THE ROWDY ANIMALS BACK INSIDE but it doesnt last for long because cheap net vs lion/ostrich/snake vs HALF A DOZEN OF THEM is bound to wear out pretty fast!

at the end of your hard work day you get to jump from floating car to floating car upwards to your girlfriend who lives under a coconut tree and stop off at flying car snack shop for a sundae because you dont ACTUALLY want to go home to her
shes always pissed at you for having the worst idea for a business and throws coconuts at you because she thinks YOU belong in a zoo
and by the time you get home anyway its ALREADY time to get back to work at the zoo!

WELL THATS MY CANON ANYWAY, BUT HAVE SOME PLAY FOOTAGE AND MAKE YOUR OWN CONCLUSION!

OH GOD AND NOW LETS LOOK AT THE CABINET AND OVERLAY because arcade machine porn is the bestttt

SO YES! PLAY ZOOKEEPER AT YOUR LOCAL ARCADE OR IF YOU ARE A LEGAL MAME USER I THINK THERES A WAY YOU CAN PLAY IT THERE TOO

i kinda suck at it so do  better than me

BONUS!!! MATERIAL!!!!

DID YOU KNOW?????? THERES A GAME AVAILABLE FOR DOWNLOAD FOR A DOLLAR ON XBOX LIVE THAT HAS SOUND EFFECTS BASED ON ZOOKEEPER??? thats fucking RIGHT

its called CROSSTOWN and is based on a commodore 64 game called CROSSROADS
ITS A DOLLAR
iTS ONE OF MY FAVORITE GAMES and four people can play at once! there are modes so that no matter how bad you suck you can keep popping back into the game and shooting shit
I COULD MAKE AN ENTIRE POST FOR CROSSTOWN BUT I DONT WANT TO
ooo its also loud and colorful and you can break bricks but instead of animals trying to get free all your friends are trying to kill you and theres also animals that dont care if theyre free or not they just want to kill you

ZOOKEEPER WILL COST YOU A QUARTER FOR ONE PLAY CROSSTOWN COSTS YOU A DOLLAR FOR ENDLESS PLAY FOREVER!

IF YOU ENJOY BLARGHCADE AND WANNA KEEP SEEING IT PLEASE CONSIDER BEING MY PATRON!

`hey hey hey hey there arent enough posts because IM SELLING ALL MY SHIT AND MOVING i will be moved in november 23rd and hope to fucking POST POST POST as soon as im settled

SO MANY THINGS TO WRITE its actually very exciting

for now enjoy this very long tweet chain i accidentally started about MAILBOX FUCKING its

AND NOW IM GONNA MAKE A FUCKING ZINE ABOUT IT

https://storify.com/a_man_in_black/uspsdm

so imade a twine and ITS RIGHT HERE ON NEOCITIES

it was originally supposed to only be one poart but i expanded it WAYYYY TOO FAR into four parts with a secret ending!

im actually proud of how i worked with the pacing, i think using colors to set pace and mood are important and WELL ITS A WEBPAGE SO THATS WHAT YOU CAN DO WITH TEXT

um i hope you enjoy it

HINT: IF YOU THINK ITS LOOPING THAT MEANS YOU’RE STUCK

OH ARE YOU HERE FOR THE PASSIVE AND ACTIVE CULTURAL GUIDANCE???
WELCOME

THIS IS MY SPACE AND IM FEELING PRETTY ACTIVE RIGHT NOW

SO HERE

SLICE OF LIFE: THE POOPDOGGYBALLS POST

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MY FIRST PANEL! GRAND PRIZE WINNER! GOING HOME:(

oh god since im reliving the nervousness i experienced before speaking on a panel im gonna talk about GETTING SANDWICHES for a minute
yes, fucking sandwiches
so theres a pretty good sandwich place called WHICH WICH across the street from indiecade, and i love it because you cna make the most digusting all of the ingredient slimy vegan sandwich possible, you just check a bunch of boxes and thats what they put on the sandwiches
but whenever i go with people they’re like AHHH CHOICE AHHH I FUCKED UP AHHHHH CAN I HAVE A NEW BAG AHHH and im just standing there tapping my foot like holy shit im hungry dont you know what you like to eat LOOK PICK A BASE OF MEAT AND HTEN PICK WHAT YOU WANT ON IT ITS A SANDWICH SAKDLJFGDFLKJ

so yeah thats what happened when i went with eva, tyriq, and michael
and i just wanted to RIP THE BAGS FROM THEIR HAND AND SPIT AND WHEREVER MY SALIVA FELL THATS WAHT THEY WERE FUCKING EATING
BUT I AM POLITE
and i was being treated so i was like wheee do you neeed help look customer service
IT WAS COOL HANGING OUT WITH THEM THOUGH, when tyriqs’s sandwich came they called him TYRIA and he was like no thats a lowercase q but now i cant stop calling him tyria

and now ill post some trash from saturday night to help calm my nerves

OKAY I FEEL LESS NERVOUS NOW
so lets talk about my talk!

i was on a panel with IAN BOGOST, DIANA SANTIAGO, RICHARD LEMARCHAND, AND MATTIE BRICE (there was another person on the panel via satellite but she went right after me while i was having a panic attack outside so i dont remember her name I THINK IT WAS STEPHANIE LOOK IM SO SORRY I HAD TO RUN OUT OF CITY HALL DURING YOUR TALK I REALLY AM)
and i was going first! i was super prepared too, i freaking wrote my talk the day that they said DAPHNY YOU’RE DOING AN 8 MINUTE TALK and it had all the things i wanted to touch on and i had places where i planned to expand and i was gonna have NO FUCKING PROBLEM AT ALL FILLING IN THAT EIGHT MINUTES
but oops, i forgot my laptop cable at my sisters house on wednesday night, oops i didnt notice til saturday, OOPS I DONT HAVE A MAC SO NO FUCKINGBODY HAD A CHARGER I COULD BORROW

well maybe they’ll have one when i get to the talk
nope, no of course they don’t. WELL DAPHNY WRITE DOWN YOUR KEYPOINTS RIGHT NOW BECAUSE YOU’RE GOING FIRST oh this is fucking great
its very professional

see that modern SLASH linking daphny and delight? yes that was completely BY DESIGN
no, it wasnt me fucking around trying to figure out how this weird alien mac shit version of ms paint worked because my computer was dead and i had to make a slide at the very last minute on someone elses machine IT WAS ONE HUNDRED PERCENT CALCULATED YES THATS IT
ahem
so i put my laptop UP on the podium, and just stick a bunch of sticky notes to it, so it can LOOK LIKE IM ACTUALLY PREPARED

whoa my laptop looks cool from far away
oh yeah then im like HOLY SHIT THIS IS CITY HALL and i start flipping switches on the microphones and throwing paper in the PAPER ONLY BIN and being like heh, thats my outbox  and touching touchscreens CUZ THIS SHIT IS FAAANCY

WHY CANT I LOAD MY AGENDA ARGH
diana demands that we need to take a boss lady selfie and my eyes dart around and im like OH FUCK THE AMERICAN FLAG LETS DO THIS

OF COURSE IM STILL WEARING MY PIPE CLEANER TIARA FROM THE NIGHT BEFORE

diana plays some bjork into the mic to settle her nerves WHAT A GOOD IDEA
ooh its time for everyone to sit! im getting excited
i start doing shitty tuvan throat singing into the mic to get everyone excited but someone says im gonna scare everyone away
NO THEY’RE SITTING DOWN I TOOK A CLASS TO SOUND LIKE THAT ONCE
and i go first.
FIRST ILL PUT WHAT I HAD *PLANNED* AND *WRITTEN* then i will tell you what ACTUALLY HAPPENED at this indiecade keynote?
was it a keynote?  i just saw that ian bogost said it was a keynote IF IT WAS IM REALLY FUCKING GLAD NO ONE TOLD ME

WHY SOCIAL CAPITAL/CLASS IS IMPORTANT AND HOW IT TRANSLATES INTO PLAY
everyone has a struggle, everyone has a problem NO ONES PROBLEMS ARE IDENTICAL
theres an fascination in games with cataloguing and ranking and filing that many people obsess over, ive been known to call this ROBOT BRAIN and i feel like its the OPPOSITE OF HOW I THINK
but i used to think it was WRONG
which makes ME WRONG
the way people think is how they cope with their own struggles, and we dont all struggle OR THINK the same
i think its important to remember that we NEED difference in our lives, otherwise we’d just be a stagnant pile of grunting barbarians slapping our genitals together WHICH IS ACTUALLY KIND OF COOL BUT IM NOT HERE TO TALK ABOUT GENITALS OR SLAPPING EVEN THOUGH IM A HUGE FAN OF BOTH
OKAY
so lets talk about my struggle! im the child of immigrants, i was BORN in the bay area (i dont say im a bay area native. OAKLAND NATIVES are completely wiped out, we only remember the meewoks because george lucas named the EWOKS IN STAR WARS after the meewoks of oakland). my dad is a mentally ill often homeless man, detached from everyone because his reality is much different from the one that most people experience
my mom was an orphan in ireland, abused by nuns and she FLED FOR HER LIFE to come to AMERICA when she was just 18′
a really fun thing i love to ask white people when hanging out in san francisco or oakland is WHERE ARE YOU FROM, and they say ‘here’ and i go no where were you born
and they’ll give me a story! and its interesting, but also the obvious local they were talking to starts giving me knowing glances and grinning because NOW WE’RE SPEAKING IN CODE AND I MIGHT BE MAKING FUN OF THIS RICHIE MCRICH but im still friendly and open and receptive to what they say!
BECAUSE look at my skin! its so white! listen to my voice! ITS SO BUBBILY AND CHEERFUL! look at my large bumbling body, it makes people feel safe because im not stereotypically american hot! AND THAT MAKES ME GET AWAY WITH A WHOLE FUCKING LOT
my brother, my half brother, that doesnt fucking matter hes my brother, hes half black, his struggle through class is so much different than mine! BUT HES ALSO A MALE IDENTIFIED STRAIGHT DUDE but oh god HES ALSO A BROWN SKINNED MAN and boy howdy
hes also my hero…. because the things that are important to him intrinsically dont match with mine, and that inspires me! which leads me to my next point

when you accuse a person “ALL YOU TALK ABOUT IS THIS” the reason you notice they’re talking about ONE THING is because that thing doesnt apply to you
what i just said OBVIOUSLY doesnt apply to everyone, we have different priorities. gamergate took 10 dollars from my bank account and overdrafted me! money SHOULD be a priority in my life so i can pay rent, and i mean THATS WHAT IM WORKING ON THATS WHY IM AT INDIECADE but ahem
WE ALL DONT HAVE TIME TO APPEAL TO EVERYONE EVER
i notice my queer friends get all this flack because they’re getting laid with multiple people all the time and lonely rich dudes with money feel entitled to sex because they have money and my queer friends feel entitled to money because they’re creating art and getting laid and are super cool AND THIS CREATES A TORNADO OF HATE AND ‘MY NEEDS ARE BETTER THAN YOUR NEEEDS’ BUT WHAT YOU’RE REALLY SAYING IS ‘MY NEEDS ARE DIFFERENT THAN YOUR NEEDS’
THIS IS NOT A SIN
there are so so so so so so so so many people, we can all find the people who are interested in what we are
this is why the internet is amazing ITS BEEN SHOWING MORE AND MORE PEOPLE THAT THEY’RE NOT ISOLATED
but the physical loneliness can get to you as well, its extremely hard not to have that warmth and compassion and the feeling of belonging

i say that YOU DONT AHVE TO BE BLOOD TO BE FAMILY all the time. because after you fall out of your moms hoohoo and splatter on to the ground a crying traumatized mess
there are other people born all around you, and their brains will experience similar things to you!!! paths get crossed!
THATS LIFE, but with life also comes death
coming to terms with death is the hardest thing we all deal with. our struggles boil down to WE ARE AL L BORN WHY WHY WHY WE ALL DIE WHY WHY WHY
and in life, to keep it going as long as possible you need to REACH OUT AND BE HEARD
theres a quote i heard laurie anderson say at one of her concerts, it wasnt her quote but i dont remember who she was quoting because LAURIE FUCKING ANDERSON “the first time you die is when your heart stops, the second time you die is when they put you in the ground, the third time you die is when the last person speaks your name”
EVERYTHING ENDS, SOMEDAY THIS WILL ALL BE GONE. instead of racing to be the person whos name gets said last we should instead be working together to never forget eachothers name

SO THE REASON CLASS AND PLAY are so closely intertwined, and we’re seeing a LOT MORE OF THIS NOW is because play is important, when we finish working we have time to play, the trick is maintaining the balance of working towards a better future while having time to cool off and relax and well, play

BUT WHAT CAN I DO??????

what you can fucking do is stop taking credit for all the shit you learn from and attribute it to the SOURCE. talk about your inspirations, your heroes, your teachers. FUCK MERITOCRACY
CITE YOUR SOURCES but also stop DEBUNKING other people NOT CITING THEIRS just because you know where it came from, instead think of that as something that the two of you can bond over. as humans, as social creatures, as mammals!
MAKE AN EXAMPLE BY NOT STEALING. MAKE AN EXAMPLE BY SHARING. MAKE AN EXAMPLE BY PAYING IT FUCKING FORWARD

when you have no money you learn to make friends, and thats why i have a SHITLOAD OF CLASS

but thats not what i said at all.
the only thing i remembered to do was my opener, which was
“HEY IAN, GIVE ME A DOLLAR” ian bogost hands me a dollar, i wave the dollar “THATS SOCIAL CAPITAL
“HEY MATTIE, CAN I BUY THAT WATER OFF OF YOU FOR A DOLLAR” mattie hands me the water and i give her the dollar
“THATS CAPITALISM
and i wanna talk about why SOCIAL CAPITAL, AKA CLASS, MATTERS”

and then i look at my notes and my slide and my panelists and kiiiiiiiiiiiiiinda FUCKING. PANIC.
so i ramble on about the games community and visiitng my sister and how much i love my brother, and i start crying
i start crying and saying that i shouldnt be here
i try to hide under the podium
i am COMPLETELY panicking
diana says no no  keep going you can do it and im trying to find my footing
i just want my fucking notes and i dont even know what thoughts ARE
richard snaps me out of it
DAPHNY
what what is it richard, i look at my shaking hands
“what was the POINT of your talk again”
i think point point yes i had a point and yell HOW LONG DO I HAVE LEFT THREE MINUTES
okay okay okay ANECDOTE
so i tell a story:
when i was working with dogs, this is pre dog training stuff this is just working with a bunch of dogs in a daycare scenario
i was a supervisor and at noon every day we’d change out all the garbage bags in the shitbuckets
oh man i REALLY enjoyed throwing the bags of shit OVER TWO FENCES and them landing in the really far away dumpster
like they wouldnt always land in it but theyd be tied shut, so it was easy to just correct my aim that would sometimes be off by a few inches to a foot
BECAUSE I LOVE SPORTS IM REALLY DEXTEROUS I HAVE GREAT AIM
but there was one day, where i just HAMMER TOSSED THAT BAG as hard as i could, and it got caught on the top of the chainlink fence right next to me, ripped, and spilled out the other side where my coworker was standing
maybe a foot away from me
so a huge bag of pretty FRESH dog shit spills all over her
she just, she looks at me through the fence and VOMITS
she VOMITS THROUGH THE FENCE ONTO MY FACE
there i am, vomited on SO I VOMIT BACK
and we are cackling and vomiting and crying and oh god what is happening this is a horrible cycle of disgusting
then our BOSS comes out, to see what all the fucking racket is about
looks at her, looks at me and just says “oh, daphny”
she let us go home early after we cleaned up the mess that wasnt on our bodies

SO THE REASON THATS RELEVANT IS THIS:
YESTERDAY FOR LUNCH i was at in-n-out with BENNETT FODDY (did you know hes a founding member of cut copy)
i guess hes never had in-n-out before because hes australian whatever
i told HIM the vomit poop story, and i was like WELL WHAT IF WE MAKE A VOMITING SPORTS TENNIS LIKE GAME
and we fucking brainstormed ideas, right there, eating burgers while a restaurant probably wasnt hungry anymore
and the REASON that sequence of events happened at FUCKING ALL was because of youuuuuuu *big hand sweeping motions*
ALL OF YOU. ALL  OF YOU IN THIS ROOM. THIS COMMUNITY
and i guess thats why i have a shitload of class

THEN I IMMEDIATELY RAN AWAY
surprisingly, a man from the LA times said “that talk was strangely touching, in a way ive never experienced”
someone handed me their card interested in “what i do”
diana said “you made the panel cry daphny, did you notice?” NO OF COURSE I DIDNT I WASNT LOOKING AT ANYTHING
even  ian bogost, mr extensive vocabulary and his philosophy and his millions of books he authored
just kinda looks at me
this is after i got the courage to go back into city hall and sit with the panel again, of course
he looks at me, surprised, and just gives a really slow nod of approval
SO

BAM ILL JUST STAMP THAT RIGHT HERE

SO THAT WAS OVER WITH, FINALLY! GOSH!
time to be  a human being again!

i met this fucking AWESOME traveling coffee shop guy and gave him a bunch of cookies to feed people with
he gave me coffee and he ALSO gave me his specialty ice coffee that he puts in beer bottles
i remarked WOW GREAT MARKETING BECAUSE PEOPLE OF COURSE ARE GONNA WANT THAT BEER BUT NOOOOO ITS YOUR SPECIAL COFFEE!
he was super nice! he does his coffee shop at indiecade a lot and also is just all over LA selling coffee too!

OH FUCK GREG COSTIKYAN IS DOING A TALK
HE ENCOURAGED ME TO DO MY TALK OH HES STANDING RIGHT THERE
imma run up to him yay liz is with me and wants to meet him too well lets go over there
oops nervous fangirl i just blurt OH YOURE VAPING I NEED THAT RIGHT NOW *nicotine suck from my own vape*
him and liz exchange introductions and then WOO TIME FOR THE TALK

its with raph koster, a dude me and some people i used to work with snubbed really bad
i thought OO BAD MAN at first
but you know what, im older now, lets hear him talk
OOO HES WORKED WITH COSTIK so thats something
they talk about how microtransactions arent inherently evil, like selling someone a plushie if they really like your game means the game meant something special to them
or how electronic board games on tablets that are super cheap (dominant species for example) are like an advertisement for buying the real product, the BIG HUGE EXPENSIVE BOARD GAMES WITH MANY PIECES
as much as i fucking hate the capitalist society i live in, i feel like playing within the rules of it to bring real, tangible things to the people you’re selling your digital art to was a really important point to mak— OH SHIT DAPHNY NEEDS TO POOP

after im done pooping they’re in the middle of a q and a
OF COURSE IHAVE A QUESTION AND AFTER WAITING THROUGH 4893934 PEOPLE WHO JUST WANT TO HEAR THEMSELVES TALK I GET TO ASK IT
me: “well if i had a friend who wants to start curating a game space and selling things for the creators in this space like RIGHT NOW what do i do”
raph: use powerpoint, set up a portfolio
me: “what if they dont know HOW to use powerpoint”
raph: what?
me: WHAT IF THEY DONT KNOW HOW TO —
raph: oh, well LEARN, THEY CAN TEACH THEMSELVES
costikyan, understanding that powerpoint costs money: or openoffice, theres a bunch of free easy to use programs you can use as well

YAY  (also jokes on them i know how to use powerpoint i just havent done it since highschool I MEAN MY FRIEND KNOWS HOW TO USE POWERPOINT)

after their talk another one is coming up so i repeat what the moderator said because greg and raph are just getting mobbed on stage IF YOU’RE GONNA GET MOBBED GO OUTSIDE
they all herd outside because i love herding cats
outside we’re in a nice circle, talking a bunch, and raph is totally swarmed right now so i scooch over to costik to ask him about his life and introduce him to a horrible dragon
hes telling me about his kids and then
nikki and decky walk by!
YAY FRIENDS oh theyre going to a talk OKAY SEE YOU LATER OH MY GOD NIKKI IS WEARING A HOUNDSTOOTH SKIRT AND THE HOUNDSTEETH ARE DIFFERENT SIZES ALL OVER AND i just start growling and doing guttural bark noises
hdb is like thats nikki but i dont CARRRRRRRRRRRE THAT HOUNDSTOOTH SKIRT more guttural noises
greg costikyan just looks at me, “wow, uh you REALLY like houndstooth”
im like oh TEEHEE and run back to listen to raph for a minute
of course hes still talking and talking
finally the conversation turns to the blow up that happened with him online and at NYU and GDC with all the miscommunication about WHAT IS A GAME
he tells me how BAD it made him feel, and he didnt ever want to go to an event again, and that he DIDNT go to  events, for about a year. which made me feel really bad, cuz like yeah old guard rich dude, but hes obviously sincere and came to indiecade to help other people thrive in a medium he obviously loves, as OLD GUARD as some opinons of his may be
and i was like wow that sucks ass, and i was probably way ruder to you than i should have been but for some reason it felt so PERSONAL even though you werent CRITIQUING ME and i got very PROTECTIVE
BUT ITS IN THE PAST WE’RE COOL NOW

raph wanted lunch, as we’re walking towards a place to eat he stops and it FINALLY clicks: “daphny! i just had a moment of cognizance! CAN I GIVE YOU A HUG”
SURE WE ARE FRIENDS NOW
he hugs me and drops his bag
haha i made raph koster drop his bag

i realize i dont really wanna GO to lunch because i just ate, i split off from the group, and as im crossing the street
THIS WOMAN RUNS AT ME SCREAMING
oh my GOD MY SON HAS BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU ALL DAY HES FOUND IT! he needs TO FIND YOU BEFORE WE LEAVE! and im like FUCK WHERE IS HE MY BOYFRIEND HAS ALL THE PRIZES, MY BOYFRIEND IS THE ONE YOUR SON RIPPED A LEVEL OFF OF! I CANT BELIEVE HE WON
this is the mom of that kid who gave me A HUG yesterday
so i go looking for my backpack, but i cant find it and then AHHHHHHHHH I FOUND YOU AHHHHH oh my its the screaming childa nd his sister I START JUMPING UP AND DOWN AND IM SCREAMING AND HES SCREAMING AND WE’RE SCREAMING and WOOOO HE WON
he holds up a rice krispies treat  and yells HI FIVE so i give him one
he then asks “why would you hit a rice krispy treat, what did it ever do to you??” and i said I DONT KNOW YOU TOLD ME TO DO IT
his sister yells “OH MY GOD HE DOES THAT TO ME ALL THE TIME”
im like, alright kiddo, walk with me. as we’re walking across the street i explain the nintendo game situation how they’re not on me right now they’re somewhere else and *IM* trying to find them! ahh im playing my own game!!!
so i tell him that im going to go stnad in the middle of indiecade village, all inconspicuous and for him to RUN UP TO ME SCREAMING so EVERYONE CAN KNOW HE WON FOUND IT 14
i sta rt picking up the confetti i threw the day before, and hear ifoundit i found it I FOUDNITIFOUNDIT so i JUMP UP AND TURN AROUND SCREAMING
OH MY GOD A WINNER, YOU HAVE WON FIND IT SPECIAL INDIECADE EDITION 2014, YOU HAVE WON THE ULTIMATE GRAND PRIZE OF A NINTENDO GAME! YOU AHHHHHH LETS SCREAM MORE
there was a LOT more screaming.

this kid is fucking special, so he actually gets a SUPER DUPER GRAND PRIZE NINTENDO GAME BUNDLE that im sending to his mom because THEY ACTUALLY LIVE IN THE SAME CITY AS ME
lucky me!

now for sad part, closing ceremony but not until me and kris ligman and squinky sit to the side of the stage and pretend to be a cosplay judging panel
“the cosplay seems very uninspired this year”
“YES BUT LOOK AT THOSE DINOSAURS ON THAT SHIRT THEY’RE NEON”
“ooooooooooooo, five stars”
prizes prizes trophies flowers, people who deserve credit getting it, winner of choice awards AND ITS OVER BOOM SAD PART OVER

AFTER PARTY GETS BULLET POINT HIGHLIGHT
– i go to trader joes and get a goddamn food stamp FEAST including like 40 bananas
– the uber driver started out aweosme by blasting inspirational spanish metal and being realyl into daphny needs to poop then got into weird nikki minaj slut-shaming and biological essentialism bullshit
– WE GET TO THE PARTY WOO SHOES OFF its quiet OKAY THATS IT YOU’RE ALL PLAYING DIXIT so i make horrible dragon, and the south bay tigsource crew and eva all play together. BECAUSE DIXIT IS FUN ITS LIKE APPLES TO APPLES BUT WITH PICTURES SO theres a lot more creativitiy to be had instead of stupid shocking jokes like that other apples to apples card game
plus the meeples are bunnies
– OH MY GOD THERES A LAWN i roll around in the lawn
– OH MY GOD THERES A CIRCLE OF PEOPLE SITTING ON THEGRASS LETS PLAY TELEPHONE so i can scream IM A FURRY GAY FACEFUCKER AT INDIECADE (or something like that, but it really wasnt that far from theoriginal)
also ALSO CAN YOU BELIEVE IT, ME DAPHNY DAVID had to teach half the people how to whisper im like I CAN HEAR YOU THIS IS HOW YOU WHISPER it was weird teaching people how to be quiet
– WOW A VIEW WOW
– WOW DIANAS DRINKS ARE AMAZING
– WOW I WANNA SNIFF EVERYONES ARMPIT AND GET A SMOOCH CUZ I HAVE TO LEAVE SOON SO I DO JUST THAT
– WOW THAT WASNT WATER THAT WAS VODKA
– WOW TIME TO GO HOME

the next morning i get on a megabus and get excited FOR THE FUTURE! MY FUTURE! OUR FUTURE!

aaaaaaaaaaaand DONE!
we’ve made it! my final post about indiecade 2014 is finished! now i can go back to writing about fucking arcade games FINALLY, thank you for reading! ONCE AGAIN ITS ONLY BECAUSE OF PATRONS SO CONSIDER IT IF YOU HAVE EVEN AN EXTRA DOLLAR A MONTH TO SPARE BECAUSE I LOVE WRITING BUT IT PAYS SHIT

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PANELS! A FOUND IT WINNER! NIGHTGAMES!

DAY FUCKING THREE: SATURDAY!

my niece leaves pretty silently in the morning to go to her nanny job becuase SHES RESPONSIBLE
like i wanted her to come to my party during nightgames but wahhh work
ANYWAY the rest of us are a little more slow to rise, especially after my OH GOD THE FUTURE MY BODY MY LIFE anxiety attack that i got to SHARE WITH THE ENTIRE ROOM because even though im laying next to someone going to sleep my voice still fucking carries
sorry for party rocking room 208, this is why i dont visit libraries!

but of course as soon as i wake up its WOO GO TIME LETS GO ANOTHER DAY AT INDIECADE YAYAAYAYYA COME ON EVERYONE WHERES YOUR VIM AND VIGOR and i just get a bunch of lazy growls and grumbles and demands to shut up, but NO IM NOT GONNA SHUT UP ITS GO TIME
cycle stays asleep but i convince HDB to come with me and get some grub and hang out in the park for a bit while we figure out what to do

oh god this shirt i got him makes him look so goddamn texan oh no

so we go and get on the bus WAIT THIS ISNT THE BUS I TOOK YESTERDAY THIS ONE IS SO MUCH CLOSER AND ITS ONLY A DOLLAR AND IT FUCKING SAYS INDIECADE SHUTTLE ON IT HOW COME NO ONE TOLD ME ABOUT THE ~INDIECADE SHUTTLE~ YESTERDAY I MIGHT HAVE BEEN ON TIME TO THAT DAVID O’REILLY PANEL
HUFF
so yay! back at indiecade! time for food stamp feasting at trader joes! i bought too much food!
OH LOOK HUNGRY PEOPLE IN THE PARK PERHAPS THEY’LL APPRECIATE ALL THIS EXTRA NON BITTEN-INTO FOOD I HAVE LEFT OVER
ILL JUST LEAVE IT *NEXT TO* THE TRASH CAN SO THEY DONT HAVE TO ROOT THROUGH THE TRASH FOR FOOD HINT HINT INDIECADE ATTENDEES HINT HINT
checking the schedule HOLY FUCK SHAWNS PANEL WITH NO WHITE PEOPLE ON IT ABOUT RACE IN GAMES IS HAPPENING!!! AHHH
so i run into the ivy room and take my seat, then i think about how i HAVENT FINISHED SETTING UP FIND IT SPECIAL INDIECADE EDITION 2014
i grab a bunch of extra houndstooth from my satchel and go up to the panel and congratulate them all for becoming a secret level in find shit while pinning the levels to them
i also hand everyone sitting around me a level now whichever direction i look THERES HOUNDSTOOTH IN MY FIELD OF VISION
woof, i think, woof.
i sit back down and when HDB gets back from the bathroom he whispers “is that your secret level on every member of the panel”
I give him a look of smug satisfaction while thinking about his houndstooth boxers hehe. heh. heh.

WOOO LOOK AT THIS FUCKING PANEL THOUGHno the picture isnt washed out, the fox news panel on race just IS THAT WHITE

SHAWN ALLEN, CATT SMALL, ASHLEY ALICEA, TJ THOMAS, FATMINA ZENINE , LATOYA PETERSON
there was too much to even begin to cover
here ill talk about my favorite part though, that i was fucking throwing PREACH IT hands at
okay i threw up my hands a bunch and tried not to shout YES YES YES YES YES YES and oh god its so hard to be quiet in an audience when im fucking excited how do people do that anyway?
latoya talking about how people ask about why black people are always into consoles (so many people are surprised that basketball players all loved their nintendos and genesis, or think of every nerds favorite biggy smalls lyric), she totally improved on my answer of WHY I NEVER PLAY COMPUTER GAMES BECAUSE I GREW UP WITH CONSOLES
basically (SHE SAID IT WAY MORE ELOQUENTLY IM GOING ON MEMORY THIS IS PARAPHRASING THIS IS MY TAKEAWAY OKAY???)
1. unlike constantly upgrading a pc every year so you can play new games on it, basically all old consoles still fucking work
2. lots of multi-person houses spend a lot of free time together in the FAMILY ROOM, and family rooms with tvs could also have a console hooked into it, making the experience a social one
3. consoles almost always came with 2 controllers (not anymore though ha) and that created a way for TWO PEOPLE TO SIT AND PLAY TOGETHER WITHOUT HAVING TO BUY A BUNCH OF BULLSHIT AND LEARN TO LAN PARTY

so yeah, geniuses. all of them! they all had amazing stuff to say, and the way the panel was actually STRUCTURED like a conversation was inspiring and wonderful
and all the shit they talked about made my talk the next morning, which is about class seem incredibly silly and unnecessary
after the panel i WANTED TO JUST GUSH AT ALL OF THEM AND LISTEN TO THEM GO ON FOREVER
im an ADULT who respects peoples TIMES so i just run up and fangirl at latoya, because shes the only one i didnt recognize from twitter

SHIT i have to finish planting all of my find shit levels!
i go to check on the one i placed in the firehouse, that i thought would get the most foot traffic
then i noticed, out of THE 31 OTHER games in the firehouse only ONE (which i may have mentioned in a previous post, WHO KNOWS????) team didnt show up! has this happened before? i havent seen this happen in the past two indiecades ive been to! this is a NEW OPPORTUNITY!
so i fucking SEIZE IT

YESSS! MY VERY FIRST BOOTH AT A VIDEOGAME EVENT!
i proudly stand in front of it and wait around
wahh no ones coming up to it so i just start scoping out people i know to yell at
HEY, HEY YOU COME HERE YOU WANNA PLAY MY GAME
CHOOSATRON VISITED ME EVEN and said i could WRITE FOR THE CHOOSATRON!

as soon i’m able to start CARNIVAL BARKING though people i DONT KNOW, the people who i want to be ACTUAL PLAYERS OF MY GAME start listening to me with INTRIGUE
i explain the rules to strangers! i hand them a level with a pin on it, and they wear it!
i say IF YOU CAN FIND THE OTHER FIVE STATIONS and the HIDDEN LEVEL THAT DOESNT HAVE A STATION and then FIND ME, WHICH IS PROBABLY THE EASIEST PART OF THE GAME you could win a NINTENDO GAME!!!!
and jesus the word nintendo just makes people LOSE THEIR SHIT
man this eight year old kid, he was just like NINTENDO GAME???? AHHHHHHHH and ran away SCREAMING through the firehouse, looking for shit!
HE WAS ON A MISSION
he even gave me a freaking HUG before he left too
with my day made, i leave the fire station to EXPLORE THE FESTIVAL!!!
god i wish i could have played hoot pitooter

BUT I GOTTA FIND SHADE I CAN FEEL THE SUN HATING ME MY SUNSCREEN NEEDS A RE-UP BUT ITS STILL AT THE HOTEL AHHH
ooo its getting closer to NIGHTGAMES im getting EXCITED ooooo
oh hey, its KRIS LIGMAN again! shes been really easy to spot because we keep dressing the same every day and have the same haircut! TWINSIES!
oooo in a SNACK CIRCLE and richard lemarchand is hadning out hummus and dried fruit
FUCK I SPILLED DRIED STRAWBERRIES ALL OVER MY SWEATY SOCK BECAUSE I JUST HAD TO TAKE MY SHOES OFF TO WIGGLE MY SORE TOES GODDAMNIT THERES STRAWBERRIES IN MY SHOE NOW TOO UGH
as im shaking off my shoe HOLY SHIT SOMEONE RUNS UP TO ME I CANT FIND THE LAST ONE I HAVE SIX
and the level they havent found yet i can totally see from where im sitting, i tell them this, and point them in the general direction of where the level is, assuring them that yes i can DEFINITELY SEE IT if i look that way
they RUN OFF in that direction, searching for the last level and then RUN BACK TO ME AFTER FINDING IT SCREAMING THAT YAY! THEY DID IT THEY FOUND ALL THE LEVELS AND THEY FOUND ME

HIS REACTION
i had confetti with me just in case someone won, something i wasnt planning on but its good to be prepared
and he GOT ALL OF IT YESSSSS RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF INDIECADE VILLAGE
and the friend with him also found all of it so he got a nintendo game too!
TWO WINNERS! AND I DIDNT EVEN KNOW THEM!!!!

SO I SET UP MY PARTY TENT FOR NIGHTGAMES!
HUGE SHOUT OUT TO THE HANDFUL OF VOLUNTEERS THAT PUT UP WITH ME NOT UNDERSTANDING HOW COMPUTERS WORKED AND THEN BEING GRACIOUS ENOUGH TO INTRODUCE THEMSELVES TO ME AND IM SORRY FOR FORGETTING ALL YOUR NAMES
IF YOU WERE OR KNOW A VOLUNTEER THAT HELPED ME WITH MY TENT PLEASE CONTACT ME SO I CAN PUT THEIR NAMES IN THIS POST
I HAD MY OWN TENT AT NIGHTGAMES
I THREW A FUCKING TRASH PARTY!!
the theme of my trash party was A BUNCH OF FREE TRASH CULTURE FOR YOU TO PLAY AND ROLL AROUND IN

translated that means i featured SEVEN FREE DIGITAL GAMES
– HOW TO BE A GREAT ARTIST IN TEN SECONDS by mcc and smestorp PROJECTED ONTO MY TENT WALL
- BROOKLYN TRASH KING by torah horse
– REALISTIC KISSING SIMULATOR by sparky and jimmy
PROBLEM ATTIC by ellaguro
GROIN GRAVITATORS by hulk handsome
– DAPHNY NEEDS TO SHIT by the radix
– and a digital version of FIND SHIT by me! woo!
i may have snuck some other games in but ILL NEVER ADMIT IT
along with this FABULOUS menagerie of games for people to play A TOTAL FUCKING BABE WHO GIVES REALLY AMAZING HUGS AND SMELLS WONDERFUL helped me provide ARTS AND CRAFTS!
very smoochable cutie– I MEAN LIST OF VERY SMOOCHA i mean HERES A LIST OF SHIT:
construction paper, bendy fuzzy colorful wire, pom poms, crayons, markers, tape, scissors, glue sticks, glow in the dark skeletons, neon rings, confetti, and a bunch of other shit so people could CREATE THEIR OWN TRASH CULTURE and TAPE IT TO THE WALL!

TIME FOR PARTY PICTURES!

all the games in the tent had these really cool placecards! THIS ONE IS MINE oh what a handsome fellow modeling it!

YES THESE PEOPLE HAD THE RIGHT IDEA! MAKE HATS! I WANTED ALL THE SILLY HATS

it was so funny because id just be running around in my socks (ITS MY PARTY AND I ALWAYS TAKE MY SHOES OFF AT MY PARTIES) yelling WELCOME TO THE TRASH PARTY! WOOO!
ENJOY THE TRASH CULTURE! MAKE SOME TRASH! PUT IT ON THE WALL! ITS THE TRASH PARTY WOOO!!!
and people would be like WOOOO and fucking MAKE MORE TRASH!

OH MAN AND MY FRIEND KYTE LOCKETT texts me from outside the gates “is that richard lemarchand djing” and im like OH SHIT IM SUPPOSED TO GET KYTE IN and i go and im like excuse me this is a family member and drag her in to PARTY WOOO
THEN SKYE FROM TWITTER is like HELLO IM SKYE and it takes me a second and YES TWITTER it clicks because boy party mode is a lot of faces at once
as with everyone who comes to indiecade for the first time, a friend of skye’s remarked, on arrival “everyone is so goregous here!” that always sticks out to me as well
hubba hubba

that thing hanging was a COMPLIMENT BOX someone made, i read a thing from it that was mean and i waslike HEY THATS NOT WHAT YOU PUT IN THE COMPLIMENT BOX and someone yelled back “OH NO I READ IT WRONG”

the trash was very successful! infact, one hour into nightgames, at only the 25 PERCENT COMPLETE LOADING BAR OF THE NIGHT, i looked around and realized THERE ISNT ENOUGH TRASH WE’RE RUNNING OUT OF TRASH TO PUT ON THE WALL
luckily my friend patrick, who was demoing yarn ball ILLEGALLY on his custom gameboy in my tent said WHAT DO YOU NEED
i listed off a few things and he RUNS AWAY
i panic, hoping he can find anything to keep my supply of crafts steady, calming my nerves by drinking from my custom “water” bottle
WOO WELCOME TO THE TRASH PARTY oh boy someones playing find shit let me tell them how much i suck at my game OH MY GOD ALL THE CREATORS ARE IN HERE PAYING ATTENTION TO THEIR GAMES I CAN JUST RUN AROUND AND YELL WOOO THIS IS HOW I LIKE TO THROW PARTIES WOOO
oh fuck! patrick is already back! AND OH MY *GOD* HE HAS AN ACTIVITY BUCKET
i run around the tent sprinkling all the new arts and crafts whereever people are making their own things yelling NOW YOU HAVE GLITTER NOW THERES MORE PAPER LOOK AT THESE MARKERS OH BOY *DUMP DUMP DUMP* FOAM DINOSAURS! ~mysterious patterned fabric that looks like its from a special game~ *DUMP DUMP DUMP* POPSICLE STICKS! CONFETTI!! WOOO TRASH PARTY!
oh cool elmers glue how the fuck do i get this open *SPLOOGE*
oh my god, oh my god my HAND is covered in elmers glue and HEHEHE its so sticky, hehehe my hand feels funny, hahah this looks like jizz heheh
WAIT
NO
IM HOSTING A PARTY I NEED THIS OFF MY HAND! oh god theres no sink around me oh god this isnt water in my water bottle OH FUCK I AM THE ABSOLUTE FURTHEST FROM THE CULVER HOTEL WHERE THE ONLY RUNNING WATER I CAN THINK OF IS RIGHT NOW
well i use my non-gross hand to slip on my shoes, shove my disgusting dripping bottle of elmers glue covered hand in the air and BOLT
oh god i cant run through people dancing so i start shouting AHHH I HAVE GROSS STICKY STUFF ON MY HAND AND I NEED TO WASH IT OFF IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY nad i get through the crowd pretty quick cuz im fast and slinky and no one wants to touch a gross hand
i make it to the gates, and i breathe! oh god it is not nearly as hot out here as it is in my tent
im still completely soaked from dumping a whole bottle of actual water on my head from BEFORE THE GLUE MISHAP (i have great timing) because PLASTIC TENTS FULL OF PEOPLE AND COMPUTERS  DONT VENTILATE WELL AT ALL
and jesus christ my tent was crowded hint hint my tent was almost TOO SMALL for my party hint hint
so i breathe and OH ITS THE BIG BALD BEARD DUDE FROM INTEL AND HES SMOKING I HAVENT SMOKED YET so i say omg give me a cigarette im on my break you see i spilled something gross all over my hand *makes a fist*
“daphny you sure seem to be good at getting yourself into sticky situations”
ITS NOT JIZZ ITS GLUE I WASNT GIVING ANYONE A HANDJOB I SWE–
and i see two cops
uh
oh god cops oh cops oh fuck cops
and they just laughed and said ‘WE WISH”
thank you police for not arresting me for being very loud in front of you holy fuck white skin you saved me again
SO CRISIS AVERTED HAND WASHED, RUN BACK TO THE PARTY, SHOES BACK OFF!

this rando’s been showing up to my indiecade parties for like THREE YEARS NOW

so yeah, as the night went on my tent got freaking COVERED i mean wow i had no idea so many creative people would show up!
the best part were all these really shy kids (like between 8-20) just standing at the table for a long ass time, the noise and the party and the stress of sweaty adults acting a fool disappearing around them, just finding some peace in being able to make something for themselves without pressure
like there were these two young sisters, who spent TWO HOURS at the crafts table, and their dad was eagerly looking around wanting to see the rest of nightgames cuz they got to my tent AT SEVEN, but was super happy with how much fun they were having
and there was this super tall silent kid, just spending a half hour on geometric paper art, and he made a cylinder a square and another cylinder covered in patterns that HE RIPPED WITH HIS FINGERS NOT CUT WITH SCISSORS, connected all to eachother, then silently hung it from a bar going across the top of the tent
and im like AHHHHHH YOU MADE ME A CHANDELIER and he just nervously nods and walks away to wander around the rest of the event

half an hour before the party ended i started running around nightgames screaming
I HAVE TO PUT ALL OF THE BEAUTIFUL THINGS ON MY TENT WALLS IN THE TRASH AFTER NIGHTGAMES, PLEASE HELP ME PRESERVE THE TRASH IF YOU WANT TO TAKE TRASH HOME RIP IT OFF THE WALLS AND STEAL IT
THIS IS NOW A CONSUMER-DRIVEN PARTY, STEAL THE ART! TAKE THE TRASH! BEFORE IT GOES IN THE GARBAGE
so a lot of people came and took things! but they didnt take all of it
so every time i put a handful of my temporary gallery into the trash im like APPRECIATE HOW EPHEMERAL THESE MOMENTS ARE *TOSS*
SOMEDAY THIS WILL ALL BE GONE *STUFFS IT IN THE BIN*
STEAL THE FUCKING ART BEFORE THE CITY DUMP DOES *puts foot on trashcan and pushes trash down to make more room for the gallery*

SO YEAH but guess what i STOLE SOME ART TOO here are the pieces i took home

as SOON as nightgames was over i wanted to party more but nooooooooooo i had to go to bed early becauyse HOLY SHIT MY TALK IS IN THE MORNING AND IM GOING FIRST!!!

i heard a lot about people going to an ihop to be sad though

stay tuned for tomorrows post about that, the last day of indiecade, new friendship and ANOTHER PARTYYYYYYY

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DAY TWO! FIND SHIT! SONY PARTY! NIECE PARTY!

so woooo do i sleep i think i sleep some, not much, THESE EVENTS GIVE ME FAR TOO MUCH ENERGY and im making the poor dev of groin gravitators, HULK HANDSOME annoyed already, and it was only the FIRST NIGHT
i have my badge now, my GAMEMAKER BADGE for my game FIND SHIT! look at my totally professional game dev lifestyle

cosplaying as my game: obnoxious, irritating, garish

BUT I DONT CARE, WOO ITS MORNING TIME TO CHECK THE SCHEDULE OO PEN WARD AND DAVID O’REILLY ARE DOING A TALK ANDITSINFUCKING15MINUTESIMNOTREADYSHITSHITSHIT so i get ready REALLY FAST because i really want to meet david o’reilly! i saw him a while ago in SAN FRANCISCO and bought a thumb drive with all of the media that he had made up to that point on it
i STILL HAVE IT TOO wait lemme find it okay i found it

during his talk in san francisco, where i got this he kept saying that he doesnt understand why everyone thinks hes obsessed with cats

so i rush! i find the bus! i missed the bus! i hate LA’s bus system! the man at the stop was very nice and made me forget about PUNCTUALITY STRESS by reminding me how im in a city full of shitty public transportation and cars that dont see me, so yes, goodbye punctuality stress hello PEDESTRIAN STRESS
the bus gets here! wooo! i get on and im all dit dit dit on my mobile phone, when a man with a LIT CIGARETTE sits down next to me
wow ive never had a nicotine fit like that, oh god its fucking horrible this is a tiny space oh god oh god SO I ASK HIM TO PUT IT OUT AND I HAVE ANOTHER CIGARETTE IN MY HAND TO GIVE HIM BECAUSE GODDAMNIT WE’RE ON A BUS BUT NOW IM RUDE AND DEMANDING IN A PUBLIC SPACE AND LET ME CATALOG EVERY POSSIBLE THING THAT COULD GO WRONG BECAUSE I WATCHED DOUG ON NICKELODEON WHICH ID LIKE TO THANK FOR MAKING AN ENTIRE GENERATION COME DOWN WITH THE ‘WORST CASE SCENARIO-ITUS” but hes just like “oh, yeah” and puts it out on the floor of the bus
then he opens up a box and hes like look what i got and its full of SHINY THINGS so im like ooooo, ahhhh ilike that bracelet, i like that color, i like i like i like OH FUCK I MISSED MY STOP and pulled the cord and walked off
whatever its just one stop, no big deal right? WRONG, CULVER CITY LIKES TO ADD AN ELEMENT OF LUCK TO EVERY INTERSECTION BY REMOVING ONE OF THE FOUR CROSSWALKS FROM EVERY ONE, causing you to be okay sometimes but most of the time you have to walk over 3 very wide streets and go around because NO CROSSWALK,  HA HA PEDESTRIAN! ITS JUST LIKE WALKING BUT A LITTLE HARDER! GAME DESIGN!

so yeah that makes me extra late and i get there and its FUCKING FULL

my phone records my bracelets SO LOUD they sound like im asking the warriors to come out to play or something, jeez o pete
man pen is talking about cartoons i wanna STARE AT DAVID O REILLY’S THI– nice hair, i mean I WANT TO HEAR HIM TALK
oh whatever ill sit outside and work on find shit
I COULDNT HAVE WALKED OUT AT A BETTER TIME BECAUSE AS *SOON* AS I COULD SEE THEM AND NOT HEAR david says “lets play this game where i fool you into feeling like your nose grew two feet, okay we gotta get kinda human centipede”
so there i am vividly imagining david o reilly eating pendelton wards poop while pendelton ward lies about how he doesnt like it and THATS what makes his nose grow!

SO LETS TALK ABOUT MY GAME NOW. the GAME I DESIGNED FOR INDIECADE EXCLUSIVELY since find shit was a game i made six years ago in klik n play, i really wanted to show how much i appreciated being an ~INDIECADE OFFICIAL SELECTION~ by making a SPECIAL EDITION  BIG GAME
i made six VERY HARD TO FIND POSTERS (if you squint really hard at the picture above you miiiight be able to see them, i dunno, they’re subtle) and hid them throughout indiecade, with INTERESTING INSTRUCTIONS AND THE HASHTAG #FOUNDIT14
well on friday i was still trying to figure out exactly how im going to make the stations work becuase ATTACHED TO THE POSTERS are the LEVELS they’re pieces of patterned fabric! you take as many as you want, pin one to you, trade them with others if you want
BUT LOOK OUT! THERES A MORAL CHOICE! YOU DONT HAVE TO GIVE IT AFTER FINDING IT you can HOARD IT, so instead of communicating you just run around finding levels and try to get ONE OF SEVEN GRAND PRIZES as quickly as possible! LIMITED SUPPLY SO YOU GOTTA GO FAST
since i added a hint of competition to the game, and prizes were to be won i knew that there would be people  who immediately ran off to find everything at the stations
WHICH IS WHERE THE *SECRET LEVEL* COMES INTO PLAY

i had a SEVENTH LEVEL, that you could ONLY GET if you figured out what levels looked like. they were all colorful garish patterns, and the secret one was BLACK AND WHITE. IT WAS ALSO HOUNDSTOOTH so it stands out on any piece of clothing
in order to get this level, you HAD TO TELL A PERSON WEARING IT THAT YOU FOUND IT, then that person would either have some extra levels on their person to give to you, or be coy and be like “what did you find? i havent seen anything *TOUCHES THE LEVEL* to fiiiiiiiiiiind, i guess you have to keep looking”
or something silly like that, i started with about ten sleeper cells but also walked around whispering “congratulations you are now a secret level in find shit indiecade edition 2014 please wear this pattern and keep an eye out for more shit”
houndstooth is classy as hell so people were into it
this worked INCREDIBLY WELL
ill talk more about what happened throughout the weekend with my game! but   yeah thats the basics, friday was build MYSTERY get people CURIOUS day

for being a pillar of strength besides having the worst girl– HEY I THINK I FOUND SOMETHING

finally im like FUCK IT IM DONE ~DESIGNING~ AND ~WORKING~ LETS GO FUCKING PLAY SOME GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMES
and oh, indiecade, bless your heart. i just, A PARKING LOT FULL OF GAMES ID NEVER HAVE HEARD OF OR BEEN ABLE TO PLAY ALL IN ONE SPACE
some sexting game that sends you dick pics if you error (groan, but yea the game other than that was amazing it had a PEEP SHOW)
A TENT FULL OF PEOPLE SCREAMING CAT CAT CAT CAT AHH MOUSE
A GAME WHEREY OU FUCKING PUNCH A BOWL OF CUSTARD OVER AND OVER
A GAME WHERE SWEDISH CHEFS COMMAND YOU TO THROW AND CATCH VEGETABLES FOR A SOUP AND THEN YOU ALL WORK TOGETHER TO GET THEM IN THE POT
A GAME THATS JUST MAKING PEOPLE BE IN A PLAY, BECAUSE OH SHIT, STAGE ACTING *IS* FUCKING PLAY
AN OCULUS RIFT GAME WHERE ONE PERSON WEARS THE HEADSET AND DESCRIBES A BOMB WHILE THE OTHER GOES THROUGH A PAPER MANUAL AND TELLS THEM INSTRUCTIONS FOR DIFFUSAL

PINK STUFF THAT YOU JUST FUCKING PLAY WITH, and the pink stuff is for everyone, not here to pay for indiecade? just walking by?
CHECK OUT THIS PINK STUFF

i see eva jolli AND OH SHIT SHES HOLDING A SKATEBOARD
i run up yelling LEMME SEE IF I CAN STILL SKATEBOARD
i havent skated in a while can i do it oh my backpack is heavy this is embarrassing nevermind take your skateboard

oh theres david o’reilly, hanging out with pen
OKAY I TALK TO PEN FIRST SO DAVID DOESNT THINK IM SOME KIND OF WEIRD FANGIRL
now that ive ESTABLISHED MYSELF i slide in like an idiot and on, like a breath say
hi i saw you in sf i have your usb drive i like the way you troll oh my god you have wonderful hair your game sucks but it was a good successful formula, yes i like the way you troll a lot okay bye, *runs away*
aw i didnt even take a picture with him damnit
ITS BECAUSE HES A ~CELEBRITY~ I GET SHY AROUND CELEBRITIES ESPECIALLY IRISH ONES WITH GREAT HAIR

ahem so yeah im basically killing time until the SONY PARTY i WANT TO DRINK WITH MY NIECE AT INDIECADE SHE TURNED 21 IN APRIL, WE’VE NEVER HUNG OUT WITHOUT FAMILY and shes fun!
my niece and i are just ZOOMING ahead of eveyone in our ever-growing posse, making fun of how slow they walk
and everyone at indiecade seems so bewildered why shes there, with a GAMEMAKER badge because, well, SHE DOESNT LOOK LIKE A TYPICAL GAME DEVELOPER AT INDIECADE
SHE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE INDIECADE WOULD HIRE TO SELL THEIR PRODUCT
which is actually funny, i told ashley that shes part of team find shit, and explained the rules while we were sitting in the park. she left really quick to get an energy drink from the store
on her way back there is ALREADY SOME DUDE FOLLOWING HER
so i scream ASHLEY DO YOU HAVE A THIRSTY BOY ALFUCKINGREADY
she runs up to me after sending him away, hands me his card, and proudly explains that she told him about my game! he was really into it!
fuck yes ashley you’re a spokesperson for find shit now, you made someone interested in a game called FIND SHIT
WELL THE SONY PARTY IS GOING TO BE CROWDED  so we may as well get in line!
WOW LINES ARE BORING WHAT DO I DO OH ILL GO TO THIS PLACE TO EAT OH NO IT LOOKS LIKE A TABLE FULL OF PEOPLE I KNOW ALREADY HAD THAT IDEA AND DIDNT SAVE ME A SEAT
fuck fuck fuck i hate lines i just wanna party oh god i hope my neice isnt an idiot when shes drunk ARGH I HATE LINES
I REUNITED WITH A COOL COSPLAYER THAT I BLOCKED TWO YEARS AGO BECAUSE OF SOMEONE I USED TO KNOW GETTING MAD AT HER OVER *VIDEOGAMES*
we didnt even realize who eachother were at first! she just talked to me cuz she wanted to know why so many people were covered in HOUNDSTOOTH!
SHE FOUND IT!

THE ONLY GOOD THING ABOUT LINES IS RUINING CELEBRITY PICTURES HI SHAWN IS TREACHERY IN BEATDOWN CITY OUT YET WHY NOT HI FLOYD

OH! THE DOORS OPEN!
THIS RULES IM SO READY TO HIT THIS OPEN BAR LIKE RIGHT FUCKING NOW
me and ashley are like BAM TOKYO TEAS, we hi five eachother for knowing how to start fast at the bar
AND THEN OH MY GOD ITS ZAK, THE DUDE WHO WROTE THE BOOK VORNHEIM TWO YEARS AGO AND WON NARRATIVE AT INDIECADE. WITH A BOOK.
AND oH SHIT its fucking mandy morbid shes in constant pain and the only way she knows how to cope is with BANGING so shes one of the hottest porn stars ever
WAIT I KNOW ZAK I CAN MEET KDSLJGDKDFKLGFJ

thank you for not actually kissing me, ashley

OH YEAH THE MOUNTAIN DEW HAT
so last year at indiecade, after jenn frank, ted’s and my (well, jenns dead mom’s… technically) laptop ALL DIE ON THE WAY DOWN TO INDIECADE FROM NORTHERN CALIFORNIA
i blame my animal magnetism
BUT YEAH THEY ALL BROKE so we had to get new ones!
jenn just LOOOOOVES TO GO SHOPPING so we get all sorts of crap from target
she just, she zooms in on this goddamn mountain dew hat, OH NO, its love at first sight
we made a bunch of vines being bros with it last indiecade
then, a few months later when we left texas for gdc together  she lets me borrow the mountain dew hat, explaining that her and ted were being ADULTS this year at gdc!
like no backpacks, no jeans, buisiness cards the whole PROFESSIONAL SHIBANG two days later i see jenn running around yerba buena park in a fucking BANANA SUIT
MUCH TOO ADULT FOR A MOUNTAIN DEW HAT

but i returned the moutain dew hat to ted, who is bringing it home to its rightful owner
NOT WITHOUT MAKING ONE LAST MOUNTAIN BRO VINE THOUGH

i sit down at a table with john sharp and frank and naomi clark and all the smart new york OLD ACADEMIC IMPORTANT PEOPLE that are huddling in a corner together, hanging with their tribe
AND I MIX IT UP and ask about the games they’re playing
oh frank is talking to some aspiring designer
im listening and nodding yes yes tell me about your work when ALL OF A SUDDEN i feel a hand on my tit
naturally i look over about to get pissed OH ITS MY NIECE WITH ONE OF THE PORN STARS AND MY NIECE IS INTRODUCING HER TO ME AND SHES INTRODUCING HERSELF BY GRABBING MY TIT
i congratulate ashley on her excellent taste and go back to talking while being groped by someone whos making out with my neice
no big deal
after they walk away everyone looks at me kinda confused and i shrug and say “OH, ASHLEY”

another oh ashley moment

naomis head perks up and shes like HEY DAPHNY YOURE IN THE LA TIMES  “not all of the games at indiecade are serious (google daphny needs to poop)…”  HAHA THE NEWSPAPER IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTTHOLE AND THE STUFF THAT COMES OUT OF IT IM GONNA CELEBRATE WITH A DRINK

HI SHANE! OH WOW YOU FOUND THE SECRET LEVEL IN MY GAME TOO??? THATS AMAZING oh shit ashleys quiet shane go watch my hot niece and make sure she drinks that water and red bull i have PARTYING TO DO

SEE, PARTYING

oh its getting late they’re closing

oh wow im WOW OKAY YES TIME TO GO HOME AND DRINK A LOT OF WATER AND GET TO BED SO I CAN GET READY FOR ANOTHER BIG DAY TOMORROW!
STAY TUNED FOR: FIND SHIT TAKES OVER THE FIREHOUSE AND ~NIGHTGAMES~

thanks for reading! friday was definitely the hardest to write about, it was the most chaotic and i was least prepared for everything that was happening that day
like theres so many people i partied with and shit on friday nad i cant do them all justice ARGH wait heres one more vine

HI JJ HI PATRICK HI JASON HI TED HI SQUINKYS PROFESSIONAL EXTROVERT OH WHO THE FUCK IS THAT oh hi ashley

Tags: , .

full disclosure: I FUCKING LOVE INDIECADE

i love it EVERY YEAR but this year was THE BEST YEAR YET so i wanna talk about why!!!! i have tons to say so this is definitely going to be more than one post! i’ll spread the love!

WELL LETS START AT THE BEGINNING! i got invited to indiecade this year, as a GAME MAKER! for my game FIND SHIT! and i was also invited to do a SUBCURATION during nightgames and TO SPEAK ON A PANEL

but i dont wanna get ahead of myself just yet! first im gonna tell you all the boring FAMILY stuff

HORRIBLE DRAGON BOYFRIEND was a member of TEAM FIND SHIT this year, and it was his first indiecade which was very exciting for me because WOW ALMOST ALL MY FRIENDS GO TO INDIECADE AND I CAN DO A BULK HERE EVERYONE MEET HORRIBLE DRAGON BOYFRIEND, YES THAT ONE THAT I TWEET ABOUT A LOT YES HES HORRIBLE
but first
first

he had to meet MY FAMILY. since indiecade is in culver city, i always visit my sister’s house in MANHATTAN BEACH (she calls her house the easy to find crackhouse on the block! and i mean in ANY OTHER NEIGHBORHOOD itd be a pretty nice big one story house, but NOOOOOO on her block its dwarfed by FUCKING RIDICULOUS MANSIONS THAT ARE WAYYYY TOO BIG FOR ANYONE TO EVER NEED so yeah, its obvious she has the cheapest house in the neighborhood haha)
and ugh fine HBD come meet my mom and my sister and my neice ugh yes they all live together LETS GET THIS OVER WITH
so after the LOGN DRIVE DOWN (i carpooled with ANDI MCC and SPARKY) my sister picks us up from their hotel in culver city, and IMMEDIATELY HER AND A FUCKING HORRIBLE DRAGON JUST START MAKING FUN OF ME

oh have a fucking picture of my mom and me and my niece it might be hard to figure out which one i am i dunno

UGH MY FAMILY

SO YEAH moment of truth he has to meet my mom, who was actually on her BEST BEHAVIOR! she didnt even call me a cunt!
oh god but like heres an example of my mom on her best behavior

so me her and HDB are discussing education, and my mom is having a hard time understanding that someone who didnt graduate college might actually be smart, or considered smart by peers, or invited to speak at places
she comes from a different time and country obviously but HOLY SHIT THIS CONVERSATION GETS OLD QUICK and being my mom she really knows how to fucking rile me up and piss me off and hurt my feelings
but im playing it cool, and just talking about how its nice to not have ANY DEBT like most of my friends who went to college
WOOO IM INVITED TO INDIECADE MOM IM A GAMEMAKER AND A SPEAKER WOOOO THEY WANNA HEAR ME TALK MOM WOOO and she says “you’re being supercilious” i look at horrible dragon, confused, and he tells me “wow i can count the number of times ive used that word in a sentence on one hand” and holds up NO FINGERS. NONE.
i ask my mom WELL WHAT THE FUCK DOES SUPERCILIOUS MEAN and she yells WHY DONT YOU LOOK IT UP and then storms out of the room
then HDB looks at the table and its a fucking book called HOW TO BOOST YOUR VOCABULARY AND SOUND SMARTER right there on the coffee table, and we flip through it, and LOW AND BEHOLD THERES THE WORD SUPERCILIOUS and she didnt even use it in a sentence well, hmph

my neices old car, she stopped driving it so this vine just TOOK IT THE FUCK OVER

so yeah! we spend the night there on wednesday, and the day of the AWARD CEREMONY go CLOTHES SHOPPING because im supposed to DRESS LIKE AN ADULT for indiecade
my mom just got her social security money so she bought me like an ADULT DRESS and ADULT CARDIGAN and ADULT HOUNDSTOOTH (ungghhhhh houndstooth) tights AND OH GOD SHE EVEN GOT HORRIBLE DRAGON HOUNDSTOOTH BOXERS AND HE ALMOST TOLD MY MOM ABOUT WHAT HOUNDSTOOTH DOES TO ME BUT HE DIDNT NEED TO BECUASE I GRABBED THE BOXERS AND I WAS LIKE MOM MY BOYFRIEND FUCKING NEEDS THESE RIGHT NOW ANGKJDSHGKJFJ
oh god oh god hodgdfj ohoh um hold on
OKAY! so that night was the INDIECADE AWARD CEREMONYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!
the freaking website said that it started at SIX and i guess it confused EVERYONE becuase there were a million people there at six and we were all being told that nonono its at eight and theres a pre-reception at seven and GODDAMNIT NO ONE TOLD ME THAT HUFF
but there was a pupseria nextdoor so that was delicious

the awards hadnt started yet so i could still be an immature baby buttface of course
BUT YEAH! THEN THEY DO START! OH BOY! TIME TO BE AN ADULT

the awards were cool, and like naomi clark comes up to me after its done, and asks me what i thought of the winners
so i say WELL RISK OF RAIN DIDNT WIN SHIT SO THAT MAKES ME HAPPY
but then got into REAL TALK and said it was interesting to see them describe games between the awards, and like if someone heard their game mentioned i could VISIBLY see stress leave their shoulders, because they didnt have to worry if they won or not anymore, like all this tenseness from developers bodies (since the award show was open to developers i was just sitting in a sea of nervous people wondering if they’re gonna win a cute robot) slowly dissipating
and i just loved screaming YAY at every single game! cuz they’re all winners! they’re all important, and they’re all A PART OF INDIECADE, and the air of competition that award shows put on seems to be the least thick at indiecade
and i think thats good because waiting to see if you’re gonna win a prize is fucking stressful!

BUT YEAH FUCK REAL TALK I WANNA PARTY SO WOOO im running around and i meet ONION GAMES
i scream at him about his hilarious twitter because he was sitting all by himself and no one knew who the strange old japanese man was but OH HORRIBLE DRAGON BOYFRIEND HAPPENED TO TALK TO HIM AND ASK ME IF I MET HIM
and of course i scream what ONION GAMES ARE YOU KIDDING TAKE ME TO HIM RIGHT NOW
he did, and of course i scared him with my LOUD LOUD WESTERN VOICE, but he was a better sport than KEITA TAKAHASHI who straight up pretended to not know ANY english  when i met him at venus patrol and screamed IM A RAINBOW YOU MAKE THE BEST RAINBOW GAMES I LOVE YOUR GAMES AHHHH

AND AFTER WHAT, FOUR FUCKING YEARS OF
1. getting frank lantz to even fucking NOTICE MY PRESENCE
2. finding out he liked set because i am not creepy i just happened to be looking through an interesting persons flickr and getting really happy seeing a well-loved (see: USED UP) deck of set cards WHICH HAPPENS TO BE THE GAME IM BETTER AT THAN -EVERYONE-
3.  ISSUING THE INFAMOUS DAPHNY WANTS TO PLAY SET WITH YOU (its not a good idea, ask anyone) CHALLENGE
4. being called a COWARD repeatedly at game events where im like sup frank lets play set and hes like WELL DID YOU BRING YOUR CARDS??
5. finally getting him to admit that i am ‘probably’ better at set than him but then saying he’ll never tell anyone

AFTER ALL OF THIS i see him outside the award show and hes like daphny do you have your set deck and im like you know what GODDAMNIT FRANK LANTZ I WILL GO RIGHT NOW AND FUCKING BUY A DECK and hes like whoa  whoa youre better than me and i REMEMBER HAVING A LUXURY DEVICE so lets get this on THE INTERNET frank

oh gosh, that kind of sounds like another word, which is FINE because both are likely to be true
i mean, we havent PLAYED THE GAME EVER but im pretty confident in my abilities…….
at set!
GOD GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER

oh man and some guy came up to me and was like HELLO WE TALKED ON TWITTER AND I WANT TO GUSH TO YOU ABOUT KAZUKI TOMOKAWA
a really raw emotional amazing guitarist/songwriter and like he BREAKS STRINGS of his guitar when he plays shows because he plays so fucking hard
dude was telling me all about tomokawa’s brother’s suicide and like what his lyrics mean
i dont really know japanese but i think this guy lived in japan for a while or something
IVE BEEN TO JAPAN TOO BUT ALL I LEARNED IS THAT ASKING FOR THE CHECK SOUNDS A HECK OF A LOT LIKE PLEASE POKE MY BUTTHOLE WITH YOUR FINGERS
the lady that owned the restaurant thought it was funny though and did not poke me in the butt
OH! AND THEY ANNOUNCED THIS THING CALLED ‘THE INDIECADE AWARD‘ which is basically you find any indiecade volunteer and tell them the persons name that you want to give an award to, then write a little blurb and then the volunteer FINDS THE PERSON AND PRESENTS THEM WITH AN AWARD!
TED DINOLA GOT ME ONE! I GOT IT LIKE LESS THAN AN HOUR AFTER THEY FUCKING ANNOUNCED THE AWARD!

“for surviving hell and pulling yourself up to be stronger than ever before”

so that was fucking amazing, and made me feel a lot better about seeing a whole bunch of developers not win trophies earlier in the evening, NOW EVERYONE *CAN* ACTUALLY BE A WINNER!

after the awards show i went to hang out at patricia, danielle, sophia (BUY HER ZINE FOR TWO DOLLARS ITS ALTERNATE TACTICAL RPG CLASSES SHE MADE THE ZINE FOR INDIECADE), and aevee’s hotel to watch them stream some videogame, and DRINK MORE

my hair that had been leaking all night totally made horrible dragon boyfriends shirt all orange on his tummy, cuz i was leaning on it and sweating SINCE I WAS SOOOO TIRED FROM SUCH A FUN FULL DAY OF ACTIVITIES AND AMAZING EXPERIENCES

I WAS SO TIRED I GOT DOG TOYS AND ALCOHOL CONFUSED
DAPHNY WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT DOG TOYS WHEN YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE GETTING SNACKS AND BOOZE FOR YOUR FRIENDS AT THE HOTEL ACROSS THE STREET
DAPHNY YOU ARE NOT A DOG, or are you a dog?
IS THAT HOUNDSTOOTH ON YOUR LEGS WOOOOOOOOF
oh speaking of WOOF lets talk about my outfit: fuckin houndstooth tights, cat dress, fish pin to make sure no ones looking at my chest, LOOK AT THE FISH LOOK AT THE FISH, and fish earrings
I WAS A WALKING FUCKING ZOO SUBSTITUTE TEACHER i felt ~fancy~

WELL I WAS GOING TO DO THURSDAY *AND* FRIDAY IN ONE POST BECAUSE I DIDNT THINK ID HAVE ENOUGH CONTENT FOR JUST THURSDAY, BUT I TOTALLY FUCKING DID
tomorrow im going to be writing about FOUND IT! : FIND SHIT INDIECADE SPECIAL EDITION 2014 HASHTAG FOUNDIT14
and maybe nightgames, but if the found it post is too long then nightgames will just have to wait

WOOOO FOUR DAYS OF CONTENT COMING RIGHT UP! keep an eye out for BLARGHCADE #6 TO SNEAK IN THERE SOMEWHERE!
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IF YOURE ALREADY A PATRON i just did a big ass update to my page so you might wanna check it out! there is NEW EXCLUSIVE MATERIAL NOW